A trip to The Real World
by Marthroyboy
Summary: Chapter 23 is up! The Grand Finale! Old people! Railroad tracks in the middle of the forest? R&R or face the wrath of Jaffar's cheese grader! Rated T for language, massive drunkness and crude humor.
1. Obnoxious curiosity

It was around 2:00 in the morning when RICK the amazing tactican, began his tale. The whole Fire Emblem gang from 7 AND 8 gathered around in a circle. He pulled out one of Erk's immensely large spell books and pretended to start reading.

"Okay, who flippin' was it that wanted to know about my world again!" He yelled out to the "audience".

About everyone raised their hand.

"Well…" RICK began. He was about to add 'SCREW THIS I'M GOING TO SLEEP!' but their eager faces where too much to contain. He should tell them after all, for their own good.

He sighed, "Then I must get started then…"

It was around 5:00 in the morning when the questions ended.

Colm started rolling on the floor laughing, "You look like Pablo, RICK!"

RICK stood up and yelled, "Don't you people ever sleep!" …No answer…

Lyn paused, "I don't know, DO we?"

Eliwood stated proudly, "It's obvious that we sleep, we do it every night!" Erk jabbed a finger at Eliwood, "It never really shows us sleeping how would you know you old man!"

The madness began with that argument and seemed like it would never end. Mrryth burrowed into a hole to be away from all the noise, Ross wouldn't stop screaming, Seth found a can of spray paint from RICK's trunk and was staring to get high off of it, Canas and Knoll went off to see if they were biologically related, and Serra stole Erk's pants, then Colm stole them from Serra, and Rennac stole them from Colm, and finally Bartre got them from Rennac and then ate them.

RICK grabbed a warp staff from Natasha and was going to beat himself senselessly with it when 'somehow' an incantaction began and pretty soon, everyone was inside a warphole to "who knows where".

Everyone began screaming, "ahhhhhh!"

Everyone paused to have a sip of soda, "ahh…."

Everyone began screaming, "ahhhhhh!"

One by one, they all popped out of the hole into a New York-like setting. "Oh, my Gosh! It's SATAN'S LAND!" Canas screamed.

"Heck no, it's 'my land'. Welcome to the Real world people." Said RICK.

"ooooooo… ahhhhhh…"

"Now as long as where here I can show you all around. We can leave later when we feel like it… right?"

Natasha nodded. "Then let's go!" said Erk. Everyone started moving forward when a police guard caught Erk by his arm.

"Don't you know naturalists aren't allowed here!"

"What… Are you talking about? I'm not a 'naturalist'"

"Then what would you call yourself lad?"

(thinking it was a clue to introduce himself) "Why I'm Erk, the wandering former mage, now sage, thanks to training—"

"Look bub, that's just the funny business that will get yourself arrested. Who are you really and I demand you show some ID! under breathe Erk, what a name, ke ke ke, stupid kids need to go to school…"

"You trying to insult my mother!"

"Oh, no, not at all… laughs"

"Well I'll insult yours, and a jar of fishsticks! Get over here Raven!"

Raven waltzed over and stood next to Erk, "What up mi homie, what ya' need?"

Erk jabbed a finger at the rude police officer.

"Him. Sick em' boy!"

Raven sighed but went with it anyway. The police man was not pleased.

"And who are you, Twitch! Argh gar gar! That's good… Erk… and Twitch… ke ke" The police man burst out laughing.

Right then Raven thought something around the lines of, "This is going to be harder than I thought" except with a lot more trash talk. …Okay so that was barely what he'd say… WHAT EVER!

Raven opened his mouthed paused, then grinned, "Yo' mamma's so poor, she works at McDonalds washin' windows."

Most of the peeps from Fire Emblem where confused. RICK let out, "Oh,

BURN!"

Ross looked in deep thought before adding," What the fuck's McDonalds?"

Garcia looked shocked, "Ross!" he exclaimed before smacking him over the head with his axe. (This is a 'no duh' situation but I'm just going to say: Ross was totally KO'd)

Colm pocked him with his foot and joked, "Umm… I think he's dead."

Garcia smacked him over the head too, "Don't even joke like that! Err… ooops…"

"YOU FREAK!" Colm yelled before tackling him.

(Why wasn't Colm unconscious too? Let's see, Ross remained on level one and currently, Colm is a level 11 assassin. Peace.)

Anyway… The police man was too furious to describe in a fanfiction, but he was mad.

The police man stated bodly, "Yo' mamma it so ugly… err she breaks mirrors all the time!"

Everyone except for RICK and Raven yelled out, "Ouch! That's harsh!" RICK looked disappointed, "What is wrong with you people!" It looked like a stalemate to the Fire Emblem peeps but if you had any trash-talk-sense, it was obvious that Raven was winning.

"Yo mamma's so fat, she jumped into the sky and got stuck." Said Raven.

"Nooooo! I can't take it!"

"She uses a paint roller to put on 'er lipstick."

"Nooo!"

"She tried to climb over a glass wall to see what was on the other side."

"Have Mercy!"

Erk stood triumphantly next to Raven, "Then on your knees fool!" He patted Raven on the shoulder. "You're my number one… homie!"

The police man bowed down when suddenly, he snapped back to his senses. He handcuffed Raven to Erk and grinned."I think it's time that I take you two down town. Now will you come quietly?"

Erk looked at Raven. Raven looked at Erk. Simultaneously they yelled, "Hell no!" and attacked the police man before he could say, 'Freeze!'

End of Chapter 1

"Wow that sure was an exciting chapter, I still can't believe I got handcuffed! What it wrong with you RICK?" said Erk.

RICK chuckles to himself.

"Well I guess it could have gone worse. I could have gotten chained to Eliwood or Bartre… shudders Or a girl! Ewww…" said Erk.

"But what really beats me is… how the heck are we going to go to the bathroom!" Erk exclaimed furiously.

RICK started laughing uncontrollably.

"RICK! You evil creature! Oww, GOSH!" Erk ran around waving his arms wildly as getting rid of the feeling of the idea.

RICK shrugged and got up from his sketching spot. "Hey, yall may not sleep so… yall may not go to the bathroom either… Ha ha!"

Erk glared at RICK before running out of the screen. "Anyway yall, next chapter goes something like Canas saying…"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S BROKEN!"


	2. Hanging around Bartre

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S BROKEN!" Canas screamed.

The whole gang was in a dark alley hiding from the police officer who now had wanted posters of Erk and Raven all over town. Returning from looking for food most of the gang found RICK and Bartre with a broken Warp staff.

RICK threw up his hands like he was surrendering, "He started sucking on it, it… just looked so stupid… I just had to hit him with it. For some reason I forgot all the consequences if I broke it."

Erk started pacing around, pulling Raven with him, "I told you guys, if you stay by Bartre too long you catch his stupid."

Eliwood showed a face of disbelief, "Gosh Erk, how long have you been hanging around Bartre?"

"Aww… shove it up your's why don't ya'." Said Erk.

Eliwood looked confused, "Up my what?"

RICK started laughing, "It seems like your hanging around Raven too much Erk!"

"Oh, yah. How do we get these things off anyway?" Raven asked.

Politely, RICK replied, "Why, you would need a key."

"Okay, give me the key."

"I don't have the key."

Impatiently, Erk yelled, "Where is the key!"

RICK answered, "That police man has it."

Pent grabbed the chain to the handcuffs, "That's nonsense, I can break it with my magic!"

Pent sent a tough Elfire onto the chain, but it remained solid, stable, and still connected to the cuffs. Everyone looked a little freaked. One by one they each lined up to try to break the chain. One by one they failed… Wha HA HA!

Simultaneously Erk and Raven said, "Man this sucks…"

Erk yelled, "Get him away from me! What's next, we're going to SUPPORT!"

Raven smiled politely, "I saw you on the battlefield the other day and…"

Erk screamed, "Noooooo!"

Raven started laughing, "Peace yo' I was just a kiddin'"

Erk apparently wasn't laughing, "Don't even joke like that!" –he smacked him over the head with on of his books- "Wait…" he added, looking behind him. "Garcia… Stay back…"

Canas couldn't take it. He burst out, "We have to get out of here!"

Everyone went quiet.

Erk tried to calm Canas, "Dude you have to like, chill." After a few seconds of thinking, Erk started wacking himself on the head with his staff yelling, "Get the Raven out of my head. Get the raven out of my head!"

RICK stated, "I guess we could use a hammeran staff to revive the warp staff."

Lute crossed her arms and looked away, "No can do. I threw it at Sain the other day and… broke it… But it SO wasn't my fault!"

Eirika stood up bodly, "Well, let's go find a vendor and just buy a warp staff!"

"Good luck with that. In fact, if you even find a vendor, I'll pay you 10,000 gold." Said RICK. He plopped down on a trash can and stretched out.

Joshua soon joined him, "I love bets include me too, but let's make this interesting. If you don't find one… you owe us a favor."

Cormag sat next to Joshua, "It's pointless to look, RICK knows, I'll stay.

Tana sat next to Cormag, "I'll stay, because… er… I think RICK is right too."

"I think I'll like stay." Said Erk and Raven simultaneously. Erk realized it but said nothing.

It was settled. Tana, Cormag, Joshua. RICK, Erk, Raven, and Seth would stay while the others look for a vendor.

Seth apparently, got assigned to stay 'for the best' from Eirika. Erk hates Seth. Seth hates Erk. Erk soon became unhappy.

Eirika and co. left for the vendor.

"Ha, you got stuck with us." Erk mocked.

Seth said nothing but glared

Completely interested, Joshua began making a conversation with RICK, "So when can we go to one of those large gambling places you talked about last night?" he asked.

RICK stood up, "My fellow men." He looked away embarrassed, "Acem… And Woman. I think it is time you all find out what a bar is really about."

End of Chapter 2

"Wow, a bar. That sounds mighty interesting… Pah, what is a bar!" said Erk.

RICK looked at him like he was Bartre, "What did you do last night during my story?"

Erk paused, "Erm…"

RICK sighed, "Whatever… you'll find out next chapter, but I'm worried about Cormag, he doesn't seem like the 'bar type'"

"Oh, now you're classifying us as the bar type and non-bar types. My goodness…" said Erk.

RICK looked over to Erk, "It may sound peachy to you but you'll like the next chapter Erk."

Erk looked over to RICK, "Hmm…?"

RICK stated bodly, "You'll find out what Seth is like when he's drunk people! And believe me, it takes a lot of beer to bring dis papa down…

Oh, and if you want to know why Raven talks trash visit my homepage on our profile.

Peace!


	3. A Druken prison

"What the crap is a bar?" asked Erk with a strange tone. "Is it a person, place, or thing?"

"It's a place, but it'll be the coolest thing you'll ever see." Answered RICK, the amazing tactician. "It's a place where you gamble..." he grinned at Joshua, "Drink, eat out, and all sorts of stuff!"

"That sounds fun!" said Tana cutely, "How about it Cormag?"

Cormag shrugged, "I'm fine with it princess."

"It's all good' I'm up to it." Said Raven.

Everyone except Seth looked over to Joshua. "Well…?" asked RICK.

"I thought my answer was obvious! Gambling's what I do best! Well… sort of, but I love doing it!" exclaimed Joshua.

RICK was about to ask Seth when Erk walked quickly, dragging Raven along, "Then it's settled. Let's go."

"Dosen't my opinion matter to you?" asked Seth bitterly.

"You really don't want to know the answer to that." RICK pointed out. "Look, I care, now if you want to go or not, the choice is yours."

"I'll go since everyone else wishes it. I don't want to be RUDE or anything." Seth glared at Erk.

AT THE BAR

RICK returned from the bathroom to find Erk and Raven missing, Joshua playing poker, Tana and Cormag making… out, and Seth on top of the table dancing to Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stafani being cheered by nearly hundreds of fellow bars-people.

He ran up to Tana who wasn't as nearly drunk as Cormag and asked her, "Whatthehellis –hick- goin'on." He was drunk himself and about to keel over.

"Well Raven and Erk ran off somewhere, Seth had a little too much to drink, as did Cormag, but I really didn't like the taste, so yea. He is SUCH a good kisser –hick-."

"That's the way… -hick- After this oneglass… Justonemore… -hick-" said Cormag. "Heyyou! Onemorejustone… -hick-"

The barman looked scared, "I think you've had enough sir…"

"ONEMORr! –hick-" yelled Cormag. Tana slowly walked away. RICK and Tana watched as Cormag jugged the beer down and fainted.

RICK, "This is just –hick- scary."

Tana brushed herself off, "Oh, well. At least Seth is still dancing. He is SUCH a good dancer!"

RICK nearly threw up as he watched Seth 'shake his thang' and yell.

"THIS SHIT IS BANNANAS! WOOO! B-A-N-A-NAS!" The crowd screamed and cheered. Seth leaped off the table and was carried through the massive audience.

"Holy Moses!" Shrieked RICK, his drunkness had just about warn off now. "JOSHUA!" he yelled and ran over to the poker table.

"Wha… -hick-" said Joshua ,"Oh, goodie –hick- -hick- -hick- Iwan!"

"Joshua!" he paused and looked at his immensely large pile of money, "How much did you drink? We need to find Erk and Raven!" said RICK.

"Don'tbe awrorryin' me heartin's Ibe find friends Ibe… -triple hick-" said Joshua.

RICK grabbed Joshua's shoulders and shook him back and forth, "How. Much. Did. You. Drink!"

"Justonep-p-pint. Mi heatin-hick- -double hick-" said Joshua.

RICK wiped the sweat from his brow, "Oh, thank goodness it was small… Now we need to find Erk-" he was cut off.

"Oh, hohohoho!" Joshua grabbed a large glass almost as large as him and added,"Dismy friendIS A PINT!"

"Okay, just… stay here. C'mon Tana." Said RICK he grabbed Tana by the hand and pulled her along, searching for Erk and Raven.

Tana stopped him, "Shouldn't you try Seth?"

They looked over and watched him being carried around while the people cheered, "Seth Seth Seth!"

Seth screamed out, "WOO-HOO! I LUV YOU ALL! MY HOMIES!"

RICK sighed. "He is in his own world now, there is nothing I can do know."

Tana nodded, "I see."

After what seemed like hours of looking, RICK and Tana found Erk and Raven at a table surrounded by women.

Erk grinned, "So how often do you ladies go to this bar?"

They started giggling and one was playing with his hair. RICK heard a few girls whispered, "He's so cute."

Raven was currently hiding under the table.

Tana sighed, "If only that Serra girl was here."

RICK snapped his fingers, "Don't worry, I always keep a 'Serra in a box' in hand."

He pulled out a small black box and pulled the red tab attached to it.

Suddenly, Serra appeared out and ran towards Erk screaming, "ERK YOU CHEATING BASTARD!"

The other girls ran away as Serra charged forward and tackled Erk.

Tana shrieked. "Shouldn't we help him?"

RICK shook his head, "Don't worry, the Serra should wear off in an hour or so."

ON THE WAY TO RICK'S PLACE

Raven was carrying Cormag on his back and RICK was pulling Seth along as his supporters threw him some roses.

Erk started laughing hysterically. He was still drunk apparently. Tana's eyes became bloodshot.

"You-!" she began as she started smacking Erk with her killer lance.

Raven curiously asked, "Shouldn't we help him?"

RICK ignored the statement but answered anyway, "I'm simply going to say no this time."

End of Chapter 3

"Wow sir RICK-i mister. That sure wuz a killer chapter, pretty craze tough. " said Raven.

"I know, we sort of got drunk too bad… Anyway on the next chapter, the small gang travels to my house where they get more than freaked out."

"Seven Days!"


	4. Seven days is just to Long

"Oh, my ooooooo…" Cormag tossed and turned on his couch. He woke up suddenly to a strange smell. His head felt really dizzy and even when he sat up he felt like throwing up. Apparently, he was on a black leather sofa and about five feet in front of him was the largest 'glass box' he had ever seen.

"What happened last night?" asked Erk who currently, was slowly walking around while holding a small trash can. Cormag could hear it's "contents" slosh around as he walked.

Seth was by a trashcan as well and ever few seconds or so he would throw up or scream out asking where all the roses came from.

Tana was running around dusting every little thing that to her, looked untidy. Cormag saw Joshua's shadow in the bathroom, but he did NOT want to know what he was doing.

On the coffee table next to Cormag were three bags of McDonald's food and a note from RICK. It read:

_Yo, peeps. I hope yall are feeling better. I went to the store to buy some groceries and Advil. Don't touch anything except for the following:_

_Tana can dust anything except the master bedroom, it needs to be messy. I taught Tana how to play a DvD for yall, but don't take one from my secret stash. I got yall McDonalds, it's good, eat it. The trashcans are okay to throw up in, but throw up anywhere else and consider yourself dead and buried 10 times over. And whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH MY BLACK PHONE!_

_Have fun, I'll be home in a few hours._

_ RICK,_

_the amazing tactician._

Cormag slowly put the note down and inspected the three bags. He wiffed a smell and gaped. It smelled like solid lard, grease, and all sorts of nasty stuff. Pretty soon, everyone else had gathered round, read the note, and taken a wiff at the greasy bags.

"It looks so naaaasssty…. Ew!" Tana shrieked.

"Yes, let's poke it." Said Cormag.

Everyone grabbed something to poke it with, whether it was their finger or not, somebody poked it with something.

Seth concluded, "I say, we throw it out before it takes over our body and devours our souls."

"I've survived much longer than a few hours without food. I say we just ignore them until RICK gets back." Said Cormag.

"Okay, just make sure it's not facing me while we watch one of RICK's Dvps." Said Tana.

She opened a small wardrobe under the television and found a small section leabled: Secret Stash. She started calling out names to choose from, "Let's see we have: The Grudge, The Ring, Signs, Exorcist, Exorcist2, Exorcist3, Saw, The Ring two, White Noise, and The Carebear trip to Care a lot." She said.

Cormag can forward, "But mistress, on the note he said not to go into his secret stash of Dvds."

"Yea I know." She said, "But really, if this were his secret stash, wouldn't he hide it or something?"

"I think we're forgetting about RICK's forgetfulness, but oh, well. Let's watch the Ring!" Erk shrieked happily.

"Okay Erk!" said Tana just as happily. She grabbed the small disk and pooped it into the dvd player. Everyone was amazed. "It's going to play on the big box screen, don't sit too close, or you'll go blind."

The boys gasped. "Amazing…" the said.

AROUND 2-3 HOURS LATER

"Why Seven days!" Erk wailed, "Can't she come kill us right before we die or something!"

"A lonely mother should never have to see her son's funeral. I'm sorry mother…" said Joshua sadly.

Tana was sobbing and cuddleing RICK's teddy bear.

"Those poor people in the big box… I'm sorry Eirika, I could do nothing…" Seth started hypervenalating.

"I'm sorry brother, I'll never get to avenge you." Said Cormag sadly."Wait!" he added. "If we apologize for all that we've done, maybe Samara will forgive us."

"Apologize?" said Erk, "That's crazy, so crazy. Wait, so crazy, that it just, might, work!"

Everyone gathered around in a circle and held hands.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" asked Cormag.

Slowly, Erk raised his hand, "One time, I accidentally burned almost all of an ancient library's books, and my master Pent was blamed for it."

The group gasped.

"I'll go next." Said Cormag, "One time, there was this obnoxious old man… I used my wyvern to scare him into having a seizure. I also put a spell on Pablo, not allowing him to sleep."

Seth made a –tick- noise.

"And then, I accidentally pushed my brother's old wyvern in a meat grinder. And then--"

"Please no more." Said Erk as he ran out of the circle and threw up.

The group waited for him to return and then Raven told his sin.

"I promised my sister that I would marry her when we were little." Said Raven before sighing.

The group shuddered.

"One time, I was with my friend and she asked me if a skit made her look fat. I said no. But it DID!" yelled Tana. She screamed into the teddy bear and sobbed.

The group pretended to looked scared

"I once spent my personal fortune all on gambling," Joshua looked away embarrassed.

The group remained silent.

"I once assisted in an attempt to turn the top half of our King purple by putting dye in his bathtub." Said Seth.

Everyone paused, they were really scared now.

"I think we're clean now." Said Erk, "So now what? Do we just wait to see if she if she calls or not?"

Suddenly, the phone rang. Erk started to panic, "Do you know how to answer the phone!"

"Yea. I think so. But isn't the point to not answer the phone?" answered Tana.

Erk was officially flipping out, "But if you don't she might just change it to 3 days or something. I want to live longer!"

"Okay, Okay." She said as she slowly picked up the phone from a black case. The phone was black too. Accidentally, she pressed a random button. A red light showed above the Record button.

It was RICK's mom.

"Hi sweetie!" she said not paying attention to who was on the line. "I know you don't like me calling all the time but I just called to say that I got you the cutest teddy bear for the collection! Please, please, please, let me pick out the name this time. He looks SO much like a Lil' Timmy T. to me. Bye!" She hung up.

Out of the phone holder popped a small cassette tape. Tana had dark shadows around her eyes.

"With this black phone, I will get blackmail on our tactiainc!" she shrieked.

Everyone gasped.

End of chapter 4

"Tsk, Tsk. What did I say about touching my dark, evil, and soul possessing, black phone?" RICK asked Erk.

"What is that phone?" Erk demanded.

"It's a dark evil thing that posses you with an evil thief and prank master for a short period. And I got it from a garage sale for only 10 bucks!"

"Figures…" said Erk.

"Well, thanks a lot cause now Tana is possessed by an evil pranker, and I'm going to get pranked!" RICK screamed.

"You're welcome." Said Erk happily.


	5. Sharp Needles

Click click-

Joshua, Erk, Raven, Cormag, and Seth all turned their heads an 80 degree rotation to look behind them at the front door. The knob continued to twist and turn with no luck. Tana was nowhere to be seen.

"I don't want to die yet!" Erk wailed.

They all stared at the door in horror. Whatever was behind it now tried to break down the door. –BAM BAM-

"We have to kill her through the door, before she gets us." Seth said.

It was silent until Erk stood up and said, "Just HOW are we going to do that!"

Tana reappeared in an instant. She placed two very simple pins on the carpet and made them face up with superglue. "It's already taken care of." She said simply before laughing and walking away.

"What'z up with Tana?" asked Raven curiously. But no one answered, they just waited to see what would happen next.

A few more large BAM went on the door, and then they stopped. They heard footsteps walking backwards. Raven started biting his nails. Suddenly, they heard a very large BOOM and CRACK as the door broke down. Back first, RICK came bursting through the door. A large amount of groceries where in his hands. He landed in the exact place where Tana placed her pins.

"Oh, RICK! We thought you were Samara!" Joshua relieved.

Oh, MY GOSH DAMNIT!" RICK was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Man, sheesh, we were scared from the Dvp thing."

"NO! IT'S NOT THAT!

Joshua looked at him strangely. RICK still hadn't moved out of his position since he rammed through the door.

"Then what's wrong?" They all questioned.

RICK paused before answering, "THERE'S PINS IN MY ASS YOU IDIOTS!"

Raven, Joshua, Erk, and Seth gritted their teeth and ran over to help him up.

"I'm sorry RICK, but I'm afraid you're stuck." Seth said sadly, but you could tell he was about to break out laughing.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I'M STUCK!" RICK yelled.

"Every time we pull you up, the carpet holds you down." Erk explained.

"Superglue… TANA!" RICK screamed in pain and anger.

RICK calmed down for a few minutes and explained to Cormag as he pulled him forward, "Go… Into my… garage. Look for. Chainsaw. It looks dangerous and …big. Bring it… "

Cormag nodded and ran off with a determined look on his face. Around five minutes later he returned with a massively large chainsaw in his hands. Erk grabbed and tried cutting the carpet without turning it on.

"It's not working!" He panicked.

RICK grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yelled, "TURN IT ON! PRESS THE RED BUTTON!" He release him and Erk began cutting off the carpet.

They all helped RICK up and pulled the little chunk of carpet attached to pins, off of him. Blood squirted out of two holes he now had like a water fountain. Joshua fainted.

AFTER RICK GETS REPAIRED

"So all of that was Tana's doing?" Seth asked.

RICK nodded solemnly.

"And it's all because of that phone?" Cormag questioned.

RICK answered, "Yep, it's posses whoever answers it with a master prankster."

"And that was not nearly all that she could do?" Raven asked.

RICK nodded.

"How do we get the prankster out of Tana?" Cormag asked.

RICK grinned, "I thought you'd never ask. Smacking her with a Catfish until the spirit comes out will be the revenge I desire for her LOCKING ME OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE AND PUTTING NEEDLES UP MY A—"

Cormag cut him off, "I understand."

END OF CHAPTER 5

"Man that was so nasty." Erk put a disgusted look on his face.

"Nasty! It hurt!" RICK wailed.

"But you lost a lot of blood, and THAT'S NASTY!"

"IT HURT LIKE CRAP!" RICK turned around and mocked, "It's just that I haven't let you die yet, ask someone like Tana how much it hurts to get killed and then reset again and again?"

Erk squinted his eyes to look at RICK more closely, "You're kidding right?"

RICK said nothing.

Erk, "So that's why she wants to prank you!"

RICK put a hand up to his face, "NO! The prankster will prank all of us until we smack the spirit out of Tana with a catfish!"

"Gosh RICK, what's wrong with you! Why a cat fish?"

"Shut up you dope."


	6. Torture

Joshua tip-toed in RICK's hallway with a rope clutched in his hands. Barely behind was Raven and Erk. Erk whispered, "Are you sure you're the stealthy-ist of our group?"

Joshua answered out loud, "Oh, yea. I'm VERY stealthy!"

Suddenly a net pulled up from the carpet, taking Joshua with it. "Owaaa!" he yelled. Soon after, they all heard a sudden maniacal laugh in the distance. Joshua fazed through the ceiling, he was gone.

"Joshua!" Erk yelled, but he could tell it was too late.

RICK put his hand on Erk's shoulder, "If we beat her, we may be able to save him just yet."

Erk sighed, "Okay… He owes me 5,000 gold anyway!"

This time, Erk was in the front. Raven right behind. Seth was next, then Rick, then Cormag. Everyone had a catfish in their hands. Erk stepped onto the tile into the kitchen when it happened. The floor suddenly became like muck, pulling Erk and soon Raven down with it.

"Nooo!" Erk yelled, "Help me Raven!"

Raven looked discouraged, "I'm handcuffed to you. I don't really have a choice."

Everyone tugged and pulled and tried about everything to get them out. Pretty soon Erk was begging them to let him go. "Please." He said, "Yall aren't getting anywhere anyway."

They refused but there came a time where they had to let go or get sucked in themselves. RICK looked puzzled after Erk and Raven disappeared. He stuck a finger into the blue muck, right before it vanished and tasted it.

"Pudding." He stated then two seconds later began clutching his throat.

"Ah HA HA!" a voice from nowhere laughed triumphantly. "Pudding with blue food coloring to look your tile. The same blue food coloring THAT YOU'RE ALERGIC TO, RICK! A HA HA!" It was obviously Tana.

"Tana you evil—" RICK began, but he was soon cut off as he vanished into nothing.

Cormag looked at Seth. Seth looked at Cormag. "Guess it's just you and me." They said at the same time.

Seth was in front this time, with Cormag right behind. Seth stopped for a moment causing Cormag to bump into him. "Hey watc—" Cormag began before stopping too.

In front of them was Eirika. "Your highness!" Seth cheered happily, running towards her. Cormag didn't move. "Uh, Seth."

Seth either ignored him or didn't bother to listen. He was too busy telling her how great he was while she was gone. Cormag tried a new approach, "Umm… Eirika?"

She looked at Cormag and smiled, "What is it Cormag?"

He paused before asking, "What happened to everyone else that you were with?"

This time Eirika paused and said, "Um… well you see… Uhh… duh…"

Seth jabbed a finger at the Eirika, "You're not the princess!" he yelled fiercely.

"Correct, you parasite." The Eirika thing said while pulling out a lot of artillery from her sides. It was obvious to them that she was a robot when a bazooka came out of her head.

"Prepare to be annihilated" she said to Seth, who was now looking betrayed.

He dodged a few bullets and hid behind Cormag. Seth looked sad and started to pray. Cormag was about to beat Seth into a pulp himself when the bullets stopped and backfired, destroying the robot.

"What the—?" said Cormag, who was now really confused.

Seth snapped his fingers happily, "I think you should go first from now on." He said proudly.

Cormag looked discombobulated, "Sure…" he said.

Cormag was in front of Seth. Seth's plan seemed to work. Every time they came to a trap it wouldn't have any effect on Cormag and would soon backfire so Seth could come too. And in places where it was really desperate, Cormag was used as a human shield.

Pretty soon they were right in front, big-eyed, starring at Tana's Evil Lair. How could they tell? It read Tana's Evil Lair in red paint obviously a scare to look like blood.

Cormag looked over a Seth, "Seriously, she really is trying too hard."

Seth nodded and agreed, "Uh-huh."

They pushed through the large wooden doors to find Tana in a giant thrown laughing manically while the others (tied up in chairs) suffered. RICK was surrounded by what looked like his mom, grandma, and little sister. Raven was starring in horror at his sister Pricilla in a wedding dress. Erk was in the middle of a ring-around-the-rosey of six Serra's. Joshua was apologizing over and over to his mom for unknown reasons. It was strange.

RICK's grandma paced around RICK strangley, "Have you been gaining weight?" she asked, "See, I told you Judy, you need to make sure he lays off the fast food."

RICK tried to yell, "No, I haven't you FREAK!" but right after his mom slapped his face and screamed, "WRONG ANSWER!" So he tried to keep quiet afterwards. And CONSTANTLY his little sister would bug him with things like, "Ooppp, I downloaded a virus to the computer, Get rid of it RICK, it's scary!"

Raven starred in horror at Pricilla. "Okay, let's get married!" she said happily.

Raven yelled, "NOOOO!" and passed out.

Joshua was flippin' out, "Mom, I didn't MEAN to spend my whole fortune on gambling!"

Finally Erk, was being pestered constantly by the six Serra's that would keep asking questions like,

"Do you luuuvvv me Erk? I luuuvvv you!"

"You like that Nino girl don't you!"

"Will you play pretty little princess with me? Or HOUSE! Yes house! You can be the father and I can be the mother and…"

"You really need to put your hair in pigtails!"

"Teach me magic! TEACH ME!"

"Duhh Ha.. Ha!"

Tana was basically enjoying herself. She noticed Seth and Cormag's entranced and clapped her hands, all the 'torture devices' disappeared. "So, you found my former self's weakness. Very clever."

Cormag and Seth ran over to untie their companions. After they were free Seth couldn't bother asking, "Aren't you going to stop us?"

Tana nodded and grinned, "Of course. I need to be fair and give you a chance to stop me. I tell ya' what. I'll give you 10 minutes to stop me before I turn you and everyone else on this planet into monkeys! Then you all can re-evolve all over again! WHA HA HA!"

They all gasped. RICK stammered, "That's horrible, I hate monkeys!"

"Then stop me." She mocked, "You've already wasted a few seconds."

END OF CHAPTER 6

RICK smirked, "I think that was a good dun da dun moment."

Erk started pacing around before asking, "Hey… RICK?"

RICK turned around, "Yeah?

Erk paused, "How DID you figure out to use a catfish! It's driving me nuts!"

RICK was a little shaken up, "I see. Once my friend was possessed by the prankster. I tried EVERYTHING. Only a catfish really worked so, yeah."

Erk nodded, "I see. So… Are we going to get turned into monkeys?"

RICK made a tick noise, "Depeneds on your attitude Erk."

Erk yells, "Have MERCY!" and flees the room.


	7. Ask nicely

"Argh! HAR HAR! That's right, MONKEYS!" Tana shrieked triumphantly.

Cormag looked sad as he said, "-Sniff- She used to be such a nice little girl…"

Tana started digging into a large trunk and pulled out a Seth hand puppet. "Well, aren't you going to stop me?" she made the puppet say without moving her lips.

Seth looked disturbed.

"YA WE ARE!" RICK yelled incredibly loud. Apparently, he was a little mad about the family reunion earlier.

Just then, everyone grabbed and catfish and lunged at her, except for Joshua. He didn't have a fish. Erk laid a nice whack on Tana and so did about everyone else. RICK's plan was to whack her until the 'nice Tana' told them to stop but now Erk was sensing that something was wrong.

"Hey you guys…" He said quietly. Joshua had vanished. They continued wacking.

"YOU GUYS!" he yelled. The smacking stopped. Before he could say, 'I think something's wrong here.' Seth gasped, "T-t-that's not Tana" he stammered.

Everyone peeked into find an unconscious Joshua in her place. RICK smacked himself with the fish. Suddenly, Tana spun around in her spinning chair a few feet away and mocked,

"Well, you managed to blow five minutes hitting one of your own. I can't really say I'm disappointed…but.."

"That's evil! PURE evil!" RICK shrieked. Tana barely noticed nor cared.

"So?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

RICK paused then yelled, "Huddle!" Everyone except the KO'd Joshua gathered round'.

"Okay, how are we going to stop her RICK?" Erk asked.

"I don't know."

"What d'ya mean YOU DON'T KNOW!"

"Look, why don't YOU think of something for once?"

"YOU'RE the tactician!"

"Slob!"

"Dummy!"

Raven glared at Erk and RICK. He grabbed his fish and smacked them both, Really hard.

They said nothing.

Cormag suddenly had an idea, "Let's put her to sleep with a sleep staff and then hit her with the fish!"

"That's crazy! So very crazy! So crazy… that it just, might, work!" said Seth happily.

Erk looked disappointed, "No can do, in case you haven't noticed, WE DON'T HAVE ONE!"

Raven Snapped his fingers in delight, "We can seriously fight her with our weapons until she surrenders."

"Perfect!" Seth squealed like an ecstatic little girl.

"No can do. Our tactician over here hasn't trained Tana enough to stand up against one attack from any of the evolved us." Erk mocked.

In the background RICK gritted his teeth and yelled, "I'm working on it!"

Meanwhile Tana looked at a small pocket watch laughed and said, "30 more seconds. MAN, YALL SUCK!"

Cormag said, "Okay, this is just embarrassing, let's just split up and try to—"

Seth couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand to have a simple but world threatening mission like this to be so close into failing because of a stupid argument. He ran over to the evil Tana and said,

"Can we please have the old Tana back and can you not turn everyone on this planet into monkeys?"

She smiled an actual smile-smile, "Why, sure." She answered politely, "And right on time too."

Everyone screeched, "WHAT DA FUCK!"

RICK looked the most mad, "Where the hell's the prank in that!"

"Yall are pissed right?"

"Well… YEA!"

She smiled sweetly, "Well there's the beauty in that!" She started laughing manically.

"Fine." RICK shrugged as he walked towards her, "don't move then."

Tana grabbed his arm and stopped him, "But promise me you'll watch my two great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandsons for me."

"Wha? W-why!" RICK looked confused.

"Just promise me RICK"

"I promise." And then it was over, he hit her with the fish and pretty soon the old Tana was back.

END OF CHAPTER 7

"What the hell do you mean it's over!" Erk yelled furiously.

"Dude, Dude chill, peace. It SO, is not over, just give me a chance to fill the folks in on what's happening to Eirika and the others while I think of more twists for us." Said RICK happily.

Erk was totally calm now, "So what will happen to us in a few chapters?"

RICK answered, "Oh, it turns out that Tana's evil possessor's two sons love talk-shows and real survival shows, and we have to baby sit them on those shows and we'll get to learn more embarrassing dirt on all of us, but that's not important right now. One the next chapter we'll find what happens to Eirika and the others while we're away. Can she really survive without Seth's aid?"

Erk looked away and said, "Weird twists…"


	8. Serra, the Wonder Dog

Eirika stopped walking and asked, "Are you sure we'll find a warp or hammerane staff in this mall place?"

Florina nodded and exclaimed, "This paper says that you can find everything at the mall!"

Eirika still looked concerned, "But how can we be certain? Well, I guess we'll never know till we try. Man! I wish Seth was hear to make things easier!" She started biting her nails rapidly.

Ephraim took his sister's hand and led her away saying, "C'mon sis, let's go play with that funny mail box that you love…"

Colm watched as Ephraim took Eirika away and decided to take charge. He stood up on a brick mailbox, cleared his throat, and said, "Okay, YOU!"

He pointed at a group consisting of Nils, Ninian, Kent, Mrryh, and Bartre. "Go check out the 'South Park Mall'!"

They nodded in agreement. Except for Bartre, he just sat there with a stupid look on his face.

Nils grabbed Ninian and Mryyh by the hand. "Are yall ready?" They nodded "Dragon off!" They yelled, soaring into the air leaving poor Kent speechless with Bartre.

Later, everything went fine until he tried getting Serra, Knoll, Neimi, Nino, Jaffar, and himself to go to Richardson Square Mall.

"Okay the rest of us will go to Richardson's square bellybutton!" Colm stated.

Serra looked at him like he was stupid, which she does to about everyone, so basically she just looked at him and said,

"WHO'S bellybutton!"

Colm read it off the paper again, "Richardson's! That's what the paper says right here! Richardson's square bellybutton! Are you deaf woman!"

"But a bellybutton is a bellybutton, not a mall!"

"Well the paper says so!"

"Where are we going to find that mall! BELLYBUTTON LAND!"

"No, inside Richardson! The mall is obviously inside his square bellybutton!"

Serra paused, "Who's Richardson?"

"I dunno, let's just find a person named Richardson and check his bellybutton." Said Colm.

She snapped her fingers in delight, "I bet that's RICK's real name!"

Colm hesitated, "RICK… Richardson….RICK….Richardson. So that's why he didn't want to take off his shirt at the springs! He has a square bellybutton!"

Serra said, "No, he told Hector, who told Lyn, who told Eliwood, who told Raven, who told Pricilla, who told Erk, who told me under a large amount of excruciating agony, that he didn't want to take off his shirt because he felt scrawny compared to Hector, which so does about every other guy so.." She took a breath, "He may actually have been hiding something."

It took Colm a few seconds to take it all in before he said, "Uh… I see. I think…"

Knoll and the rest of the non-talking group looked bored, "Well let's go find RICK. And can we do it soon?" All of them were officially bored and annoyed at being the last group left.

Colm grabbed Serra's heal staff and thrust it into the ground. "We meet back here in 2 hours, don't be late!" He said and they were off.

Nino, Jaffar, and Knoll were in one team. Colm, Neimi, and Serra were in the other.

Colm took a piece of rope and tied it conveniently to an already made collar around Serra's neck.

"Oo! I luv-luv-luv this game! Erk plays it with me all the time!" Serra cheered happily.

Colm looked disturbed, "If this works you can play with him some more." He took a small lock of Erk's hair from his pocket and held it up to Serra's nose.

"I already know what Erky smells like." She retorted, "And what are you doing keeping a locket of my Erk's hair around anyway!"

"Uh.. well you see… Um…" he began.

Neimi whacked him over the head with her bow and yelled, "Colm!"

Serra mocked, "And Erky's mine, HANDS OFF!"

Colm paused for a moment to think about what Serra said, "No! I-It's not like that!" He stammered, but he knew that they wouldn't take that. Colm didn't even know why he had a lock of Erk's hair.

Neimi whacked him over the head again and shrieked, "Colm! You… Naa—stay!" Before storming away.

Serra laughed maniacally and then started sniffing around, the search was on.

END OF CHAPTER 8

"Oh, that's just great isn't it!" Erk yelled fiercely.

RICK looked up above his writing papers and asked, "Wha?"

"You refuse to put me in this chapter and you sick SERRA on my tail! She's going to find me isn't she! Prrrfect…" Erk stated.

RICK retorted, "Pah, Drama Queen. I'd feel sorry for me if I were you. With all that nonsense about me having a square bellybutton with a mall inside it and me being self-conscious about my chest, don't you think there'll be some massive struggling?"

Erk moved on, "What WAS all that nonsense about? And what kind of complete idiot mistakes 'RICARDSON'S SQUARE MALL' for 'RICHARDSON'S SQUARE BELLYBUTTON' I swear RICK…"

RICK tossed into a more comfortable position, "That would be me, when I was five.

Erk said nothing more.


	9. Puppy Power

Serra stopped sniffing around at a small two story house. She got up from her hunched over state and stated, "That house! I'm sure of it!" Colm nodded and released the lease around her neck. She carefully charged and opened the wooden door making sure not to get pierced by the particular familiar lances sticking out of it.

"Oh, Erky-poooooooo!" Serra called out.

She entered followed by Colm and Neimi. RICK was on the couch flipping through the channels rapidly on the t.v. while Seth, Cormag, and Tana were a foot away from it obviously very interested. Erk was no where to be found and probably took cover at the mere feeling of Serra Aura, dragging the handcuffed Raven with him.

Serra wandered around clueless rambling, "Where's Erk? Where's MY Erk?"

RICK stopped at Mtv's top 20 count down.

"Ah, well RICK, just the person I wanted to see!" said Colm. He waited for a response and received none.

Colm took this as a sign to keep talking so naturally, he kept talking, "So… We were looking for a hammerane or warp staff the other day and… We decided to look in some 'malls' according to a paper, and then we noticed that there was a mall called 'Richardson's Square Bellybutton'"

RICK cocked his head and said, "What the hell?"

Colm who was now happy that RICK was showing signs of interest, said, "I know! But that's what the paper said so I'm sorry but we're going to have to check your bellybutton!"

RICK yelled over to Seth, Tana, and Cormag, "Those great-great- I don't care how great-grandkids of Tana's evil possessor (he took a breath) should have been here by now! I guess evil prankster protégées mean 2 hours when they say I'll be over in five. "

Those three didn't reply as they were too interested with the t.v. screen.

Colm, who was now going just about crazy, began shaking RICK by the shoulders screaming, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

RICK's headphones were slowly shooken off and RICK started laughing.

"HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING TO A WORD I'VE SAID!" said Colm

RICK had a hard time looking at Colm with a straight face "Nope." He said flatly.

Colm screamed out fiercely, "JUST SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL WHILE I CHECK YOUR BELLYBUTTON!" and tackled RICK before he could say, "Over my dead body!"

Meanwhile, at some mall

Jaffar looked around as Nino, Knoll, and himself entered the shopping fortress known as North Park Mall.

"Well, as long as we're here we might as well look for a warp or hammerane staff." He said. Nino however, was already on it.

Nino flew into the pet store faster than Jaffar could ask, "Where's Nino?" She ran over to the puppy section with a large grin on her face.

"Oh, Jaaaaffffaaarrr! Look at this pwecious-fuggly-face!" She held up a baby Doberman, "It's almost as cute as those demon dogs that we saw before.

Jaffar flinched as he remembered those dogs…

Flashback-

Nino," Hey lil' puppy! Whose a cute widdle puppy? You are! You are!

Jaffar," NINO! LOOK OUT! –dog launches, Nino is pushed out of the way by Jaffar-

Nino," Jaffar? Are you okay?

Jaffar," Argh…

End of Flashback-

Knoll looked concerned and almost laughing, "Ouch, did it hurt?" he asked

Jaffar nodded and showed a "part of his body" "I've still got the scar for it."

Nino came forward still with the puppy, "Can I get the puppy? Pleeeessssse! Just one!"

Jaffar nodded, "Okay, but, JUST ONE. Okay?"

Nino agreed, "I promise."

LATER

"Oo! Oo! Jaffar, this one too!" Nino grabbed a golden retriever puppy and tossed it onto the pile of twenty to thirty puppies.

Knoll whispered to Jaffar, "Thank goodness there's no more. She's not a cat person right?"

Jaffar didn't reply. He wasn't sure himself. Then, he thought to himself that he should learn to just say no. Before he could try that out, Nino moved on to the bunnies.

"OH! Look-look-look at this FAT BOY! Oh, Mommy Nino's taking you home!" Nino said.

Knoll Fainted.

END OF CHAPTER 9

Erk pondered, "Ya know RICK… Where AM I hiding? Serra's got to have torn the place up by now!"

RICK, whose writing in a spiral, "I'm not sure, but wherever it is, Serra doesn't know about it."

Erk put on a dirty look, "Yea, I know that much, but where?"

RICK sighed, "Fine, you're hiding under the couch in the guest room with Raven."

Erk looked back at RICK, "You're not going to tell Serra are you?"

RICK didn't hesitate and answered, "Nope. I have to. Colm's now a level 20 assassin, it's not like I have I choice. I'm a weakling!"

Erk started laughing, "So, I bet you're going to loose the fight with Colm?"

RICK answered, "Duh."

Erk and RICK both said simultaneously, "Enjoy your last moments with the living."

And then they both screamed.


	10. The Fight

Aye Aye, it's chapter 10 and around here is the part where I thank my reviewers. Yall ROCK! K-Gforever, Lemurian-Girl, and 'me' thank you for the support.

And I don't own Fire Emblem, just RICK. I can't believe I haven't said that before.

RICK took cordless phone and threw it at Colm. Colm dodged and laughed, in a crazy sort of way.

"You think THAT will stop me? Give up!" Colm chuckled.

"Never, why don't YOU give up! I'm your tactician, and I'm way smarter than you!" RICK mocked.

"You may be, but I'm an idiot! A very strong idiot! So what does that make you! And everyone knows you'll only get through life if you're strong!" Colm paused,

"Just forget that… What I mean is… You've switched the off switch and restarted more than you've even pressed the A button!"

RICK gasped, "How the heck do you know that!"

Colm laughed, "EVERYONE's known it! We just didn't tell you so you wouldn't feel bad! We know everything!"

RICK tackled him and yelled, "YOU BASTARD!"

Tana turned around for about two seconds, saw Colm and RICK and said, "Woo, somebody's crazy."

Seth turned as well, "Yep." He agreed.

Neimi cheered, "Oh, YEA BABY! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

Seth gasped.

Neimi stared at Seth and said, "I mean… Sniff…"

Meanwhile, at North Park Mall.

A random checkout clerk threw down his scanner and screamed, "Just buy the fucking store already!"

Nino looked up at Jaffar with such intensity as though begging him to consider it.

"Alright fine…" Jaffar pulled out his wallet, "How much?"

The check out clerk counted all the bunnies, rabbits, cats, dogs, birds, and dangerously extremely poisonous reptiles and said, "two million, five hundred thousand, three hundred dollars, and fifty cents."

Jaffar glared at Knoll who had a sucker in his mouth, grinning.

"It's cherry..." Knoll said happily.

Jaffar had snapped, he pulled out a killing edge and put it to the store clerk's throat, "Look, we're going to take this stuff without any charge okay? It's completely free. GOT IT!"

The clerk nodded and Jaffar grabbed the shopping cart fiercely, "Let's go!"

As soon as They left the small store and tried to exit the mall, the clerk began to laugh maniacally. He pushed the security button under the check out counter and laughed.

Jaffar walked over to the large double doors. Suddenly, metal walls came down sealing off their only exit, many windows, and about every store in the mall. Jaffar, Nino, and Knoll were greeted by hundreds of police man.

"Surrender! Er… I mean, Freeze!" one of the police man yelled.

Knoll looked confused, "What'd we do?"

The head police man, as though he was insulted by that answered, "You polluted our water supply and caused millions of people's death!

Knoll asked, "We did?"

Jaffar felt like killing something, "All WE DID WAS STEAL FROM A LAME PET STORE!"

The police man questioned, "Was that a confession?"

Jaffar's left eyebrow was popping up. He pulled out his killing edge and said, "YEA! IT WAS!"

Back at RICK's house

Neimi entered the living room to find Colm and RICK not fighting but dancing.

"What are you doing! I mean… Colm, we need to check his bellybutton remember?"" she yelled fiercely.

Colm apologized, "Sorry Neimi, but this song rocks! Neither one of us to could resist to not rock along! Wooo! What's this song called again RICK?"

"That'd be Switch. It's pretty awesome." He answered simply.

The song ended.

"Oh, I guess it's over…" said Colm.

"Yep… guess so…" said RICK

Colm, "…"

RICK, "…"

Colm jumped to tackle RICK.

RICK jumped to tackle Colm.

Simultaneously they yelled, "YOU BASTARD!

The fight was brutal. RICK ripped out one of Colm's ponytails and Colm pulled RICK up by his long hair and hit him against the lamp. But pretty soon Colm had RICK pinned to the ground and was checking his bellybutton.

Colm laughed as he pulled up RICK's shirt.

Another shirt was under that.

He pulled him again and took off the last.

Another was under that.

Multiply that times five to figure out how many times Colm pulled off RICK's shirts until he found a raccoon which jumped on top of Colm's face.

RICK couldn't stop laughing.

Colm ran back to hit the raccoon while asking, "What the heck? You must be skin and bones under all those shirts!" he threw the raccoon against the wall, "And that raccoon! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU!

RICK stopped laughing to mock, "I thought yall knew everything!"

Colm ran towards him, "But that's just weird!"

RICK laughed again and charged as well.

RICK attacked first with a punch for Colm, who dodged and counter hit with a kick. RICK took this as his chance. He stuck his finger in his mouth and yelled out,

"WET WILLIE!" RICK stuck his finger in Colm's ear.

Colm shrieked in terror and pain, "ARRGGH!"

Colm sat on the floor sadly. RICK stood up triumphantly.

"You… forgot one thing RICK." Colm said, not facing him.

RICK leaned over, "Oh?"

Colm grinned and lifted up RICK's shirt, and said "I'm faster than you!..."

RICK shrieked.

Colm paused. "Uh?" he looked at RICK's normal non-square bellybutton.

"But…?" Colm stammered.

RICK pulled down his shirt angrily and said, "I don't have a square bellybutton! And my name is RICK not Richardson, you retard."

Colm sat on the floor pondering. He looked up at the ceiling and yelled, "WHERE IS RICHARDSON'S SQUARE BELLYBUTTON!"

RICK flinched at the familiar sound, "There's a Richardson's square mall on one-eighty. Your paper must be wack. I'll show you how to get there if—"

Colm cut him off, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE!"

RICK chuckled, "I had my headphones on remember? I just sorta kinda maybe zoned you out. Now just tell me that you'll promise that we'll NEVER do that fight again if I show you where the mall is."

Colm sighed, "Fine…"

END OF CHAPTER 10

"Why did that stupid paper say Richardson's square bellybutton?" Erk asked.

RICK sighed, "Tana wrote it just to cause us trouble. Which it did!"

Erk looked happier, "Oh… So, I'm hiding in the guest room with Raven and Tana wrote that paper error for them when she was evil! Everything's clear now!"

RICK raised an eyebrow, "Oh? What's the meaning of life?"

Erk narrowed his eyes in annoyance, "Well enough for your crazy world RICK."

RICK laughed, "PAH! That's funny! Tell me, what's going to happen in the next chapter?"

Erk guessed randomly, "If I know you, then you'll probably do something involving Serra and me in the next chapter!"

RICK looked scared, "Wow…"


	11. Five Flags Now

Eirika and co. stood outside the gates of Six Flags. She threw her arms angrily up and screamed, "Could we be anymore lost!"

Lute snatched the paper from Eirika's hands. "This paper is a disgrace, unlike my self. We've been walking for hours."

Hector looked over to his horse, Old Reliable. "And old Reliable is the only horse that's stil—" He paused, "Bah! Never mind! All the horses are dead!"

Eirika pulled out her Rapier. "Then we must investigate this theme park!"

AT THE GATE OF SIX FLAGS

Ephraim pulled out a map of Six Flags. "I think we should check out hmm… maybe the Titan, he could be the lord of this place?"

Eirika nodded. "That's a great idea brother! Let's—" She stopped.

Ephraim cocked his head and asked, "Eirika?"

She said nothing. In the distance however, Ephraim heard: Dun dun-dun dun-dun dun dun

"What the?" He stared at Eirika who, along with all the other girls ran over to a strange dancing bald man.

Sain stammered furiously, "T-T-HAT'S BARBARIC! That's unfair!" Sain started sobbing.

Lucius fought over control. "Must ignore the music! Gosh! What's wrong with me!"

The other guys where unaffected and stared as Lucius struggled with himself.

Sain made a -tck- noise with his teeth. "Yep, yep, just as I thought. The music _ONLY_ affects _FEMALES_."

Everyone looked over to Lucius.

Kent sighed. "Okay people apparently, we'll just have to find out information by ourselves and come back to the girls once we figure out the cure."

Artur asked, "But how are we going to get through the front gate?"

Legault stood up proudly. "Allow me to take care of it gentlemen."

He walked up to the gate man with a strange flag in his hands.

"Excuse me sir." Legault said, holding up the small flag.

The man's attention was only at the flag. "T-That's France! Where'd you get that?"

"I er.. barrowed it, from the top of this very gate."

"Really? Cause it looks like you stole it."

"Nope, I barrowed it, and I'm going to eat, which could kill me if you don't—"

"But that's worth millions of dollars!"

"It is? I mean, of course it is! And I'm going to eat it and you'll never see France again!"

He opened the gate.

--------------------

Jaffar dropped his killing edge, panting like a dog. Around him lay hundreds of dead police man. He grabbed the shopping cart and pushed it out the door. Nino and Knoll followed, not wanting to get in his way.

Jaffar stopped when they made it outside. Nino started opening the cages of every animal cage. When all of them were out she yelled out triumphantly, "Be free my animal friends!"

Jaffar gritted his teeth. Knoll almost fainted again. "WHY NINO, WHY!" he screamed.

Nino was oblivious until she saw Jaffar's left eyebrow twitching. Nino pushed down on the eyebrow, as to keep it down.

"Think of the animals Jaffar. They deserved more than those cages—"She said, trying to coax him.

Nino sighed,

"3…2…1… Here come the fireworks--"

"NINO!"

------------

RICK led Colm and Neimi to Richardson Square Mall.

RICK put on a fake pansy voice, "Now, if you need anything else sir, PLEASE HESITATE TO ASK!"

RICK strolled off. The mall was only a block away from his house.

Colm looked around him and Neimi, "Where's Serra?"

Neimi grinned evily, "I found a foot sticking out of the guest room's couch."

Colm looked scared.

Neimi forced a sad face on, "Sniff… I thought it was best…"

----------------

RICK entered to find Tana, Cormag, and Seth watching t.v and Serra chasing Erk and the attached Raven.

RICK was not in a good mood, "What the heck is going on?"

Erk made a face at RICK. "She found me!" he quoted angrily, "Oh, yea, hide under the couch in the guest room. She'll NEVER find you!" He stared firing Elfires at the chasing Serra.

RICK glared at Erk, than made an evil grin. "I'm sorry you feel that way Erk. I guess you wouldn't mind if I… DISCARDED YOU AND RAVEN'S ITEMS… leaving you, I dunno… completely defensless…?"

Erk showed a look of horror on his face, "You wouldn't!"

RICK laughed, "I would, I did, and they're gone."

Erk yelled out the slow-mo, "Noooooo!" as Serra tackled him.

Suddenly the door flew open and two large figures walked in. It was two men around the ages of 30 and 40.

RICK turned his eyes to the men. "Well, it's about time! Five minutes my ass!"

END OF CHAPTER 11

Erk wiped kiss marks from his arms, "I swear, Serra…"

RICK lifted his eyes from his writing, "What?"

Erk said, "What I don't understand is how she found me? She's not that smart, I'd know."

RICK laughed, "Course ya' would."

Erk glared at RICK, "I'll just ignore that. I mean it's like someone else…"

RICK finished his sentence, "Told?"

Erk tackled RICK and was about to strangle him when RICK stopped him.

"I didn't! Neimi did!" RICK said.

Erk laughed, "Yea right!"

RICK put a serious look on his face, "She's evil I tell you…"

Erk gasped.


	12. Singing is fun

RICK, still in his bad mood, paused to take a good look at the men before saying, "If you have the same manners as your great great, ten times great fucking grandmother, so help me."

The men chuckled and the first brother said, "Grandma said that you'd cuss a lot. Hmm… Are you… Richardson, perhaps?"

RICK flinched at the name. "So Dick. Can I call you Dick, or Dickhead? I like Dickhead. What are we supposed to do with yall?"

This time the other brother talked. "Grandma wants to reward us for sealing her soul into the phone. So she made you promise to play with us."

The struggling and fighting Erk snorted a laugh. "Aren't you a little old to play?"

The first brother made a loud whistle noise and said, "Go outside Serra."

Surprisingly, she did.

Everyone," Meep…

The first brother laughed. "Now, my real name is Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli. And everyone time you miss pronounce my name, you get electrocuted!"

The second brother said, "And my name is Fudgemonkey. Now let the games begin. The first stop is a couple relationship trivia, let's see how well you all know each other."

Before anyone could object they felt themselves being flung about and finally settled.

The gang awoke to each being placed in a circle of booths. Two in each booth.

Erk found himself strapped in a small chair in the booth labeled, "Married couple". He looked up at his booth mate to find Raven in with him.

Erk puffed out a sigh of relief. "Well, it could have been Serra."

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli, now dressed up as an announcer guy. Cheered out to the audience, "Good morning San Francisco! Welcome to Harsh Relationships!"

RICK screamed out angrily, "I'LL SAY!" for being partnered with Seth in the booth classified as "Engaged couple"

The other announcer guy Fudgemonkey said, "Ooo! It looks like one of our contestants is getting feisty!"

RICK had a look of pure horror on his face, "I'll just pretend I didn't hear that."

The audience laughed.

Fudgemonkey continued his announcement, "Snaps. It seems like we need more players!"

Suddenly Colm, Neimi, Nino, Knoll, and Jaffar, who was about to hit Knoll with a chair appeared. They were soon scrambled too and were placed in booths.

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli walked over to Cormag and Colm.

"Cormag." He began. "What's Colm's shoe size?"

Cormag looked at Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli like he was stupid. "How the heck would I know that?"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli gave the microphone to Colm. "Well you two should really know these things about each other."

Colm was puzzled and mad. "Why! We've never even supported!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli laughed, "And who's fault is that? RICK!"

The audience started throwing tomatoes at RICK.

Fudgemonkey walked over to Erk and Raven.

"So… How long have you two been together?" he asked.

Erk took it the wrong way. "Ever since Chapter 1, RICK got us handcuffed."

The audience threw more tomatoes at RICK.

Raven screamed, "ERK YOU IDIOT!"

It took a few seconds for Erk to get it before he was slamming his face into the wall.

Fudgemonkey walked over to RICK and Seth.

"Seth." He began. "What is RICK's real name?"

This only made RICK mad, "MY NAME IS RICK! THAT IS MY NAME!"

Seth guessed dully, "Richardo?"

Fudgemonkey sighed, "Oh, I'm sorry, that's incorrect."

RICK puffed out a sigh of relief.

Fudgemonkey continued, "His real name is Bertha!" He held up a birth certificate.

RICK yelled, "You changed my birth certificate!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli walked over to Knoll and Jaffar.

Knoll was pressed up against his chair as far away from him as possible.

"So… I hear you two are supporting?"

Knoll turned white.

Jaffar got even more angry, "That's absurd! I'm already at A with Nino!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli asked, "So… are you cheating on her then?"

Jaffar cut his binding and charged at Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli. But Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli snapped his fingers at the right time and soon everyone was being flown about again.

Fudgemonkey clapped his hands, "Welcome to American Idol!"

The group looked around them in amazement and wonder. They were all on a huge stage complete with an audience. The audience were holding signs that said stuff like, "I luv you Seth!" and "Erk's my Boo!"

Fudgemonkey threw everyone over to some bleachers except Raven and Erk. He announced,

"And now a duet by Erk and Raven!"

Erk started to get stage fright, "What duet?" he whispered to Raven.

Raven smirked, "I got it handled. Just follow me."

Raven grabbed the microphone and began, "Guess, who's back…"

Erk copied clueless, "Back again…?"

Raven, "Shady's back…"

Erk "Tell a friend…?"

Raven, "Now everyone board to the dance floor."

Erk, "To the dance floor, to the dance floor."

Raven, "Now everyone board to the dance floor, now stop pajama time."

Raven was happy about Erk's ability to do random stuff in a rap that sounded good.

The audience was happy. Aww… how cute.

The judges, well, judged,

"I loved it man. Rap is so rad, especially when you're doing it together."

"It was nice, I loved it."

"That was pathetic. I hated it."

The audience started throwing stuff at the third judge.

Fudgemonkey clapped his hands, "And now a song by Nino and Tana."

Nino and Tana sang in high pitched voices, "Goodddd Blessss, Ameriiicccaaa! Land where I'm not frrrrrooom! Stand beeessside herrr and gguiiiddde heeerr! Through the night with a light from aboooove! Stttaa-"

They were cut off as Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli looked up at all the shattered lights, "It's too dangerous for you two to continue."

They sighed and walked off.

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli snapped his fingers and replaced the lights.

Fudgemonkey announced, "And now a song by Jaffar!"

Jaffar nervously walked up on stage, dragging his feet. He put the microphone to his mouth.

"…"

The audience started screaming in delight.

Jaffar cocked his head, "….."

The judges even got up and started dancing. "What a song!"

Jaffar didn't hear anything, "….?"

RICK got up and started dancing, "That's like pimpin' awesome!"

The whole FE group got up from their seats and started jamming.

Jaffar continued, "…. …. ……."

Everyone was jumping up and dancing like there was no tomorrow.

END OF CHAPTER 12

"What is up with that?" Erk asked.

RICK cocked his head, "Hmm?"

"Those men could do anything. What are they names… Fudgemonkey and Sir Dingli somethan… ARRGGHH!" Erk was electrocuted.

RICK laughed. "The goodness of a copy button."

Erk flicked off a piece of his dead-fried flesh, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

RICK smirked, "When dealing with evil maniacs who can do anything, it's good to remember their names, or at least save it in to your computer."

Erk sighed, "Pah…"


	13. It Came From the American Idol Cast Room

Erk tossed a nickel up in the air. He was in his own American Idol cast room with Raven and Seth. He sat up and pulled out a bandana. He said,

"C'mon Raven. I have to go to the bathroom, take the blindfold and put it on _tightly_ this time."

Raven put on a scowl, disgusted. Seth asked out of nowhere, "Do you know where I can find some water? I'm thirsty."

Erk stuck his tongue at him, "Some guy brought over a bunch of bottles of some liquid, drink that."

Seth picked up a bottle of what read, 'Bud Light'. He popped the top and gulped down the stuff.

Cormag sat nervously in his room rocking back and forth. Knoll was in a fetal position shaking. RICK was lying on the couch, going through a bag of candy brought by a handyman a few minutes ago.

"Why ya' so nervous?" RICK asked. He popped a Jolly Rancher into his mouth.

Cormag looked at him suspiciously, "Who says I'm nervous?"

RICK laughed and eyed a blue raspberry Jolly Rancher before hitting it away, "The narrator, of course." He quoted, "'Cormag sat nervously in his room'"

Cormag sighed, "I get nervous in front of so many people."

RICK said, "Don't forget about the millions of others watching it on television."

Cormga glared at him, "Well thanks a lot RICK."

RICK opened another Jolly Rancher, "It's what I do. Now C'mon, let's go mess with Knoll and Jaffar. It will make you feel better, it's fun."

Erk exited the bathroom with Raven. He found none other than Seth on the couch, many empty bottles around him.

Erk's brow lifted, "You must have been thirsty."

Seth smirked, "You know it! Now, go get me some M&Ms, and I demand that you remove the brown ones!"

Erk puzzled, retorted, "Well, I demand you do it yourself!"

Seth hiccupped, "I hate brown, and I hate you!"

Erk laughed, "Nice comeback!"

Seth cocked his head, "Who are you?"

"What the…?"

"Where's my M&Ms!"

This time Raven was confused, "Something isn't right… Seth, what's your favorite song?"

Seth raised his arms in the air, "I love Gwen Steffani man! This SHIT is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Erk snatched the blindfold and was using it for his own use, to cover his eyes. Raven grabbed the blindfold from Erk and ripped it up,

"Erk, we have to stop him! He's on the coffee table shakin' his thang!"

Seth danced up on coffee table singing, "A few times I've been around that track So it's not just goin' to happen like that 'Cause I ain't no holla back girl, I ain't no holla back girl!

Erk slowly opened his eyes, "Shakin' his what?"

He looked up at Seth.

Erk screamed, "OH GOD!" and hid behind the couch.

Raven stood his ground, they were handcuffed after all. Finally Raven leaned over to one side and Erk started being pulled up.

Erk struggled and tried but failed miserably, "That is so not fair!" he yelled.

Raven looked at him like he was stupid, "What's not fair about it?" Suddenly, a pair of pants fell onto his head. Raven gasped.

Erk felt two under shirts being thrown on top of his head, "It smells like something died in here!" he screamed.

Raven lifted the pants off his head. He heard the door open, then slam close.

"E-e-rk! I think Seth left, in the NUDE!"

Erk grinned, "Good, than he can bother someone else, but he needs to take his clothes… Oh, shit."

Erk ran into the door, "Damnit! Open!"

Raven sighed, "Excuse me Erk, let me do it."

Knoll lifted up his head, "W-what's that!"

They all listened to what seemed like loud thumpings on the wall.

RICK listened peculiarly, "Yep, sounds like Morse code."

Cormag, puzzled asked, "What?"

RICK said, "I learned it in Tacticians Camp." He translated the thumpings slowly, "Too… Bad we're… not… in… the same… room…Knoll?"

Knoll puffed out a sigh, "Oh, it not something to worr—"

RICK cut him off, "Love… Jaffar." He started laughing.

Knoll started screaming and running around.

RICK asked Cormag, "Do you want to mess with them now?"

Cormag got up, "Sure."

They walked over to the wall where the sounds came from. RICK thought for a second, then grabbed Cormag's arm and used it to make thumps of his own.

When he was finished Cormag asked,

"What did you say?"

RICK was cracking up, "Nino's a hot, sexy, bitch."

Cormag started laughing too, "Oh, that's good."

Suddenly, Jaffar stopped using the hilt of his sword to make the sounds, but the blade itself.

Cormag stepped back quickly. RICK did the same but stayed a little close to find out the translations. The blade started poking through the wall.

RICK translated, "Knoll… I'm going to stab, cook, boil, slice, strangle, murder, …"

RICK stopped and Knoll nearly fainted again.

RICK continued, "Nope he changed his mind. Knoll… I'm going to kill you… VERY painfully."

RICK chuckled, "Emphasis on the very."

Cormag was laughing too, a sight for only people to see once or twice in their lives.

RICK asked, "Feel Better?"

Cormag said simply, "Yep."

Nino sat in her cast room with Tana, Serra, and Neimi all reading magazines.

"Get's a nose job? What's a nose job?"

Serra sighed, like it was obvious, "It's a job for your nose, duh."

Tana was laughing to herself when she heard a weird noise, "What's that?"

Neimi asked, "What noise?"

Tana shushed them all. They soon heard, "Ooo… This my shit! This my shit!" Then mad laughter.

Tana said, "That noise."

Serra showed them 'the hand', "Well somebody check. And by somebody, I mean not me."

Neimi walked toward the door, "Wait, is that Erk I hear?"

Serra threw down the magazine she was just reading and ran out the door. In front of her was a very naked dancing Seth. She cocked her head. Then, she saw Erk running down the hallway and ran over and tackled him.

Erk fell with an, "Arrgh!" So Raven decided that it was up to him to stop Seth before the girls saw anything… strange.

All the girls walked out. "What's going on?" the asked. They all each saw the drunk naked Seth.

Tana cocked her head, "So that's what it looks like."

Raven sighed, "Too late…"

END OF CHAPTER 13

Erk was laughing, "Oh, that's good! 'So that's what it looks like.' My goodness!"

RICK looked up from his papers, "Yep."

Erk was still laughing, "Oh, and Knoll! That was a great way to help Cormag out!"

RICK said, "Yep."

Erk stopped laughing, "Okay, at least by now you're agreeing with me! What's going on?"

RICK paused, "Trying to think of stuff for the others to do at Six Flags."

Erk asked, "So is that what's going to happen in the next chapter?"

RICK smirked, "That and you'll are going back on the stage, somebody has to be the American Idol. Either was though, Jaffar's releasing a CD."


	14. Take it Away

Fudgemonkey walked in. He stopped in front of Drunk Seth, the awe struck girls, the pinned downed Erk, and Raven.

"What in Grandma's good name is going on!" he asked.

Erk, fighting the pouncing Serra could only think of saying, "It's not what it looks like! What...ever it looks like."

Fudgemonkey asked again, "What are you doing?"

Raven waltzed over and lifted up Seth, dragging Erk along with him.

Raven said, "Seth got drunk, merely that."

Fudgemonkey soon found himself smiling, "Good, then he'll be the first act."

Everyone shrieked out, "WHAT!" And found themselves being flung about and back on the stage of American Idol. Even the people in their rooms.

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli announced, "Welcome back to American Idol! Last week we were blown away by Jaffar's amazing song '…'! Let's see if the others can even compete with that!"

Fudgemonkey threw Seth onstage. Seth didn't even need an introduction and he showed no signs getting stage fright.

He began, screaming more than singing, "Uh huh,this my shit  
All the girls stomp your feet like this! A few times I've been around that track  
So it's not just gonna happen like that  
'Cause I ain't no holla back girl  
I ain't no holla back girl!"

The fans cheered him on, it seemed that some of the people from the bar were there.

After the song was over Fudgemonkey was smacking himself on the head for unknown reasons.

"Okay… Gve it up for RICk and Cormag!"

RICk and Cormag walked on stage grinning from ear to ear. RICK grabbed the microphone and gave it to Cormag, who announced, "Uhh… Instead of singing a song we felt like showing you audience just how everyone else is acting… behind_ the scenes."_

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli stroked his beard, "Hmm… I think we'll enjoy this."

By RICk's remote a large wide screen television turned on behind them. The video started with Cormag in a tux.

The video recording said, "Okay. I'm Mr. Cormag here and I'm about to go undercover to see what the stars are really like _behind the scenes."_

It showed Knoll. The video showed Knoll talking with a voice that you could obviously tell was RICK's, "Jaffar… Hmm… He sure is one clever bastard. I hate him. The only thing good about him is his girlfriend, Nino. She's one hot sexy bitch. She's too good for him with that fiiine ass."

Knoll's eyes nearly flew out of his head.

The whole audience gasped.

Jaffar who was standing in front of Knoll's head turned a complete 180 to make the most evil, diabolical face. So evil, so scary that if I even tried to describe it, this fanfiction would be rated R.

Go figure.

Eliwood and Garcia stood outside of the Texas Giant patiently waiting for Hector and Ross's return.

Eliwood threw up his hands, "Where could they be!"

Garcia sighed, "Ross said they were checking the ride for a warp staff."

Eliwood forced himself to smile, "Yea. I bet they're doing that right now."

----

Hector smacked Ross on the back. "Wave your arms in the air like this!"

Ross grinned, "OKAY! WOOO HOOO!"

----

Ephraim sighed as he watched his fellow army mates cause havoc around the theme park. His sister like the other females was still dancing with the strange bald man. Suddenly, they stopped. Eirika ran over to him.

They shared a nice hug and she happily said, "We all just each bought 22 season passes!"

He stared dumbfounded, "How, there was a sign that said the prices for one was unaffordable!"

Eirika laughed as to say 'don't be ridiculous', "I used RICK's credit card, but they said something about that we had stolen it from him! And then we gals had a laugh about that!"

Suddenly a bunch of police cars parked in front of the gate at Six Flags.

The police officers came out of it and yelled, "We're looking for who ever just bought those thousands of season passes with Tactican RICK's credit card!"

Eirika looked over to her brother, "I wish Seth were here… So should we run now?"

Ephraim nodded, "Yes… I think we should."

The movie ended with everyone in complete and utter shock. Nino looked disturbed and Jaffar was already throwing many daggers at Knoll, although the FE gang tried their best to keep him from ripping Knoll apart.

Knoll was huddleing in a ball, "I didn't do it I swear!"

Jaffar yelled, "You called Nino a sexy bitch 37 times in that tape!"

RICK nearly screamed out, 'You idiots! It's SO obvious!' if Cormag hadn't covered his mouth and whispered to him, "It's the part of getting away with it. You never confess that you did it."

RICK smirked, "You've done a lot of stuff like this before haven't you?"

Fudgemonkey separated Jaffar and threw him on stage.

Jaffar turned around to glare at Knoll but Fudgemonkey urged him on.

Jaffar sighed and lifted up the microphone. The fans screamed in delight.

He began, "…" he wondered it they would still like it.

The fans were screaming, "JAFFAR WE LOVE YOU!"

He cocked his head. Apparently it worked. He continued dot dotting to the fan's delight.

At the end of the song the fans were cheering, "DIVE DIVE!"

Jaffar cocked his head again, "What?"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli whistled as he walked by and pushed Jaffar into the massive crowd and Jaffar was carried away. Jaffar actually smiled. Knoll fainted

The first judge was clapping his hands, "Jaffar don't need no words, he don't even need no music to be cool!"

"He's so dreamy… And his voice!"

"I actually liked it! And I can't wait for Jaffar's new CD 'Dead Silence' to come out! (-Gingy Mittens)"

END OF CHAPTER 14

Erk asked, "So what crazy show are we bound to next?"

RICK, who looked confused asked, "What do you mean?"

Erk sighed, "Jaffar's too talented. We should just quit."

RICK smirked, "Or give_ him_ a reason to quit."

Erk puzzled, "What?"

RICK raised his eyebrows, "You've never heard of sabatoushing for the greater good?"

Erk put a smug look on his face, "You've spent too much time around Cormag haven't you?"

RICK said, "Well, yeah. Anyway, next time Sabatoush in the Studio! HowEVER you spell that."


	15. Sabatouge in the Studio

Erk snuck right next to the cast room door. He moved the small mouth piece on the microphone headset that RICK had given him and said,

"This is Serra-destroyer, I'm in position. Over."

Another voice crackled on, it was Raven's, "This is Brother Red. Me too. Over."

Erk turned around. Raven was right behind him. Erk glared, "You're supposed to be in the other hallway!"

Raven glared back, "We're handcuffed remember!"

Erk said, "Ohhh… right."

Suddenly RICK's voice came on the line, "What the fuck is going on? Oh, and this is Da Pimpin' Awesome Tactician. Over."

Erk yelled into the mouthpiece, "SOMEBODY's plans happen to exclude the fact that me and Raven are handcuffed!"

RICK paused and answered, "Oh, well whoops. I'll send Sun Brotha from Anoda Mother, err… I mean Cormag on to it right away. And KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN! Uhh… Over."

Erk spat, "Fine! …Over." He sighed.

This was Not how the plan was supposed to work. Erk was to play a recording of Nino's voice and lead Jaffar out into Raven's hallway where a net would pull him up causing him to miss the next round. Erk just hoped that it wouldn't screw up.

Cormag's voice suddenly came on, "This is Sun Brotha from Anoda Mother. I'm ready. Over."

RICK's voice was back, "Okay, you heard the man. Start the call and release the bait, but make sure you're a safe distance away from 'im. Over."

Erk shuffled in his pack and pulled out a small wire line. After many tugs you could see it was attached to a Nino plushie. He also pulled out a small tape player. The walked backwards 20 steps like in the plan and threw the Nino doll right in front of Jaffar's door.

Erk whispered to Raven, "Play the recording at the highest volume so he can hear it."

Raven nodded, "I know." He played the tape.

There was a sudden pause and then about anyone in a fifty mile radius could hear, "MOOOO!"

Raven yelled into the microphone, "What was that about!"

RICK chuckled uneasily, "Uh, wrong tape. Come back and we'll redo the---"

Jaffar stuck his head out of the door. Erk shushed RICK.

Jaffar had a hopeful look in his eyes, "Mom?" he called out.

Raven's eyes couldn't get any bigger, "No. way. Jaffar's parents were cows? T-this is amazing!"

Erk shushed him. "Quick." He whispered, "Pull it!"

Jaffar picked up the Nino plush and said, "I can add this to my-" he looked around, "Collection!"

The doll flew out of his hands and was moving down the hallway. Jaffar raced after it.

Erk heard the footsteps behind him, "Yess! He took the bait!"

Raven smacked him, "Just keep running! And hope he dosen't catc—"

Raven suddenly fell backwards, pulling Erk down too. Raven pushed Erk off of him and tried pulling the string. No good, the bait had been found.

Erk listened as hard as he could and heard, "Huh? A string?" Followed by more footsteps coming closer.

Raven with a horror-struck face on said, "Oh, Smoof."

----

Hector and Ross walked out of the exit on the Texas Giant. "That was sooo good! Let's go again!" Ross cheered.

Hector was about to agree when Eliwood and Garcia showed up.

"Why did that take so long!" Eliwood exclaimed.

Hector tried to put on a serious face, "Uhhh… It's pretty suspicious. We're going to have to go again."

Ross nodded uncontrollably.

Garcia said, "Well if it's that bad should we come?"

Hector shook his head, "In case you haven't noticed both of yall aren't even promoted.

I'm sorry but I can only rescue one person at a time." And with that they were off.

Garcia took a look at Eliwood, "You know, he's right. What are you like, on level one?"

Eliwood clenched his fists, "Shuttap, you're on level four."

AROUND TWENTY MINUTES LATER

Eliwood looked up and around at the sky, trying to waste time. His eyes stopped on a muscular man and a boy sitting in the seat of the cart on the top of the Giant's first hill.

He rubbed his eyes. They were sitting in the front seats with their arms waving madly.

He asked himself, "That couldn't be them, could it? Nah."

Eliwood waited until the cart came closer, at the end of the ride. He could just about see them but that wasn't what gave them away. Just then the boy said to the other guy,

"That was so fun! Huh, HECTOR?"

Eliwood nearly ripped out his eyes.

----

Erk was pacing back and forth babbling, "What do we do? What do we do?"

RICK came on the line, "This is a code RED! Code RED! Just like we planned, pull out the Nino costume!"

Erk shuffled into his bag again and pulled it out. He handed it to Raven who instantly refused it.

Raven said, "You're the smallest!"

Erk protested, "But it's code RED! You're brother Red."

RICK again, "Just put on the costume Erk. We can't afford to abort this mission. I repeat, we can't afford to abort this mission!"

Erk sighed, "I heard you the first time. Okay fine, but tell anyone and I'll Kill YOU!"

Raven ran off to hid as Erk quickly changed into the costume. He put the green wig on with delicacy, just as Jaffar came into view.

Jaffar cocked his head, "Nino?"

Erk folded his arms, "You know it! I mean, the one and only… uhh…"

Jaffar looked puzzled, "Are you feeling okay?"

Erk nodded, "Yea…"

Cormag came on the line suddenly, "Hurry up and lead him to me!"

Jaffar looked around, "What was that!"

Erk pulled out a random thing from the Nino Cloak. His eyes laid on a spellboook. Actually a fake one, it was unopenable and solid plastic.

"This!" He said in his best Nino voice, "Sometimes… The like,

They like talk to me…" He tried to sound like a dazed little girl.

Jaffar totally bought it, he lifted up his swords, "Yes. My weapons do too, but I thought I was just crazy!"

Erk started twitching. Finally Erk met Cormag's glance and Erk slowly walked over the net on the floor. Erk thought with Jaffar's reputation he would have noticed the obvious trap from a mile away, but he was too busy looking right at Erk. It was creepy.

Suddenly the net flew up, taking Jaffar with it.

Erk laughed and ripped off the Nino costume in one pull, cartoon style. Under that was a Knoll costume. Erk looked at his sleeves and hair in a near mirror and said, "Huh… Weird coincidences. Oh, well, this works out nicely."

He ran off laughing as he gave Cormag a high five. Erk called out to Jaffar, "See you at the next round, oops, I mean… I'll see you after the next round sucka!"

Jaffar struggled in the net and yelled, "I'LL KILL YOU KNOLL I SWEAR IT!"

END OF CHAPTER 15

Erk laughed, "Jaffar can seem like a pretty normal guy when it comes to girls. As in, he's as clueless as me!" He paused, "Okay, that didn't come out as planned…"

RICK threw the tape player into his 'Oh, so mysterious trunk', "What was up with his reaction to my cow recording?"

Erk said joking, "He must be like, part cow!" Then seriously, "So that's why he has such great assassin skills! He's only half human!"

RICK, not knowing if Erk was serious or not said, "Yeah! He should be like the Angel of Dairy Products or somethan!"

Erk said seriously, "I wonder if he has like an _udder_ or something…"

RICK, looked disgusted, "Eww… Let's just go with the fact that Jaffar should be Milk Man or Oh, yee Spotted one. Or maybe—"

Erk pointed behind RICK, "B-Behind you!"

RICK showed him 'the hand', "Wait, I'm not finished. " he was laughing, "How about, Cowzie Wowzie, the superhero! Or—"

Jaffar cut in, "You're on my list, RICK."

RICK said, "Meep." Then was silent for a while.

Jaffar continued, "Anyway, Next time many questioned will be answered. Will I get kicked out of American Idol for absence? Will I ever escape? Why does RICK have a recording of cows? Why did I have a weird reaction to it? And who the crap will win Amreican Idol, if not me?"


	16. Keep you're mouth shut!

Chapter 16

(Thank you Jerry mon and Sam for the spelling help, Microsoft was very useful in the matter…)

Raven and Erk ran on stage. The fans eagerly cheered them on.

Raven pressed the microphone to his lips and began, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind."

The audience began waving their arms.

Raven, "Now can I get an encore, do you want more? Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy So for one last time I need y'all to roar!"

Erk sang, "Now what the hell are you waitin for?"

When the song was over the fans were restless. Erk grinned. Jaffar was gone, the contest was as good as theirs. Could life get any better? He asked himself this.

---

Jaffar struggled in the net, no good. He was stuck. Knoll knew his weakness, Nino. He clenched his fists, yes, Knoll must die. But, the question that kept circulating in Jaffar's head was, 'Did he hear about the cow?'.

Jaffar put a smirk on his face. Then hear this Knoll, he thought.

---

Knoll suddenly yelled out, "He's sending me telepathic death threats!"

A random nurse patted him on the back and said, "Yes, yes Knoll. I believe you but I think it's time you took the pill."

Knoll struggled the nurse's grip as he made a scowl, "I hate the pill."

Fudgemonkey came on the stage, "And next Jaffar!"

The fans screamed in delight.

Fudgemonkey laughed uneasily, "Speaking of Jaffar, has anyone seen him? If he dosen't show up soon, he'll be disqualified."

The fans stopped talking moving or anything. They just stopped. Finally a random fan grabbed a pitchfork and yelled,

"Get 'em!"

Several hundred fans tackled Fudgemonkey and ran across the stage.

Erk glared at RICK and said sarcastically, "Greeaattt plan RICK."

RICK sighed and answered, "It's what I do."

Raven pointed to a small prop by the stage wall, "To the bat cave!" he yelled.

Erk, RICK, and Cormag said nothing.

Raven sighed, "Fine, let's go take cover in our cast room."

Erk patted him on the back, "Good boy, for a second there I thought you were turning crazy like that _Knoll."_

He looked over at Knoll who screamed out, "The blood lust! Make it stooopppp!" and was soon pinned down by nurses.

Erk shuddered, "_Scary._"

---

Jaffar struggled again in the net. He pulled out his two blades. He looked at them and said,

"Well my friends, it looks like you'll never get to kill Knoll at this rate."

He paused and looked at the rope net surrounding him. He looked at his incredibly sharp blades. He looked at the net. He looked at the blades…

He made an ashamed face, "Oh geez…"

---

Erk slammed the door and leaned hard against it. "They're worst than Serra!" he exclaimed.

RICK, Cormag, and Raven gave him a look that said, 'I doubt you really feel that way'

Erk slapped himself, "What am I crazy!" He had a flash back of the times he had with Serra….

He screamed. "Okay, so they SO aren't worse than Serra. But they're still pretty annoying."

Suddenly the fans behind the door stopped trying to breakdown the door. Erk listened hard, where they screaming or squealing?

Suddenly the door swung open and Erk was slammed against the wall along with poor Raven.

Jaffar stood in the doorway.

RICK was twitching although he tried not to show his fear, "You're not still mad about the ne—"

Jaffar cut him off, "Is Knoll in here? And don't try to hide him. I WILL find him!"

RICK and Cormag shook their heads violently.

Jaffar forced himself to smile, "Well then… do you think we… could… hang out? At least until I find another trail on Knoll?"

RICK and Cormag were nodding their heads violently. Jaffar went off and peeled Raven and Erk from off the wall.

"Sorry about that." Jaffar said.

Erk spat out a few of his teeth and shakily said, "No problem."

While Jaffar turned his back Cormag grabbed RICK by the shoulder's and shook him, "It's a part about getting away with it, YOU DON'T ADMIT THAT YOU DID IT!"

RICK nodded as Jaffar turned around. Cormag sat on the couch hastily and tried not to look directly at Jaffar.

Jaffar looked at Raven, Erk, Cormag, and lastly RICK. It looked like he wanted to break out laughing, or throw up. Jaffar thought if no one was going to say anything he should, so he started a conversation,

"So I was… in my cast room, and suddenly I heard a loud cow noise. I stuck my heard outside the door to er… investigate, and—"

RICK cut in, "YEA RIGHT!"

Cormag's gritted his teeth and punched RICK hard on the head. Jaffar looked down at the dazed RICK, puzzled.

Cormag forced himself to smile. He said, "Go on."

Jaffar was still a little confused but continued anyway, "And right in front of me was a Nino doll!"

Raven put a hand to his face and pretended to seem shocked, "No way!"

Jaffar said, "Yes way. I picked it up to you know, return it to it's rightful owner and then…"

Cormag had a hard time pinning RICK down so he wouldn't make a smart remark like, 'Liar! You wanted to add it to your collection!'

Cormag was finally satisfied with putting a pillow on RICK's head. RICK stopped kicking and moving, but Cormag couldn't tell if that was because he had already suffocated.

Jaffar took this as the queue to go on, "It then pulled away from me because it was actually attached to a wire. And _then_, I found Nino, or at least I _thought_ I found Nino. It was actually Knoll in disguise! Then he trapped me in a net, and here I am now!"

Erk clapped his hands, "That was an amazing story! I can't believe Knoll would really do that! _Scary._" Erk shuddered again.

Raven elbowed him and whispered, "Nice acting."

Erk said out loud, "Who's acting?"

Jaffar looked at them suspiciously.

Erk was still puzzled, "I still don't understand this."

Raven punched him, "YOU were in the Nino costume, Mr. Short term memory!"

Erk smacked himself, "Oh, jeez… But it sounded so different when he said it!"

Jaffar eyed them now with disbelief, "What are you talking about? You don't mean to tell me that YOU—"

Raven yelled out suddenly, "Oh, shit he's on to us!"

Erk pointed behind Jaffar and yelled, "Hey is that a life size Nino doll?"

Jaffar turned his head eagerly, "Where!"

Cormag grabbed the unconscious RICK, threw him on his shoulder and yelled, "FLEE!"

END OF CHAPTER 16

Erk flicked a fuzz off his cloak, "What was that all about RICK?"

RICK asked, "About me going ballistic? I just was taught never to lie. In fact, Kiddies drugs are bad… but drinking is fun!"

Erk was clapping, "Nice. But any idiot can lie! And—"

RICK smirked, "Well you're just that idiot."

Erk glared, "Let me finish. I was going to say, 'Well you're just somethin' special' but I'll just go with, You suck!"

Jaffar pulled out a blade, "You two both suck. There was no life size Nino doll, was there!"

Erk asked RICK, "So, I suppose next chapter will be about running and putting the blame on Knoll?"

RICK nodded, "Yep."

Erk asked, "Like now?"

RICK nodded again, "Exactly like now."

And they were off.


	17. Many Disturbances

Cormag ran through the halls with RICK on his back and Erk and Raven following. The fans where no where in sight. Cormag yelled back to Erk and Raven,

"How far behind is he?"

Raven answered, "I don't know, it must be far because I can't hear or see him."

Suddenly a loud, "MOOOOOOOO!" came from the distance. Raven started breaking out laughing. Pretty soon Jaffar came from around the hallway corner. Raven was still laughing,

"No. Way. What kind of hunting shriek was THAT?"

Jaffar started twitching uneasily.

"DO you have an udder?"

Jaffar glared and continued twitching.

"Hey everybody, It's Milk Man!"

Jaffar pulled off his cape and yelled, "I didn't want you to see this but…" he pointed to his arm that said in red, 'The list' Under it was 'Knoll x3'

Jaffar pulled his sword out and yelled, "You're on my list Raven!"

Raven suddenly became serious again, "Y-you put that on in blood?"

Jaffar laughed, "No, my left sword is just a tattoo pen and a sword in one! How convenient!"

Jaffar tackled Raven and cut the chain to the handcuffs. Erk jumped for joy.

"Yay! I'm free! I mean… Raven, Nooo!" Erk paused, "Hey! Why didn't you do that before!"

Cormag ran up to Erk and said, "Less talking, more running for your life!"

Erk took that as his queue to shut up and continued forward.

-----

Hector ran inside the haunted house ride followed by Ross, and soon Eliwood and Garcia. Of course they didn't _know_ it was a haunted house ride.

Hector jumped into the cart. He motioned for Ross to do the same. Ross scowled and said, "I can't!" He sat on Hector's lap.

"Get off!" Hector yelled, but Ross didn't move.

"You're taking up all the room! And Eliwood and Dad are right behind us!" Ross said.

Hector sighed, "Fine, let's just see if we can loose them in this horrid darkness."

-----

Garcia yelled at Eliwood, "Stop whimpering!"

Eliwood hugged his legs as the cart moved them into a complete pitch-black room. Hector and Ross where just ahead of them,

"I can't help it! I hate the dark!"

Garcia sighed, "Let's just hope this ride hurries up, I'd like to give them a piece of my mind for how they took advantage of us!"

-----

Hector heard a distinct howling in the distance. "What was that?" he questioned.

Suddenly a ghostly head popped out right in front of them. Hector flinched. Ross squealed.

Ross moved in a strange way. Hector looked up at Ross, on his lap, puzzled.

"What are you…?" Hector began, but a warm feeling stopped him.

"Did you just--You just RUSTED MY ARMOR!"

-----

Erk tripped. Cormag did the slow-mo, "Nooooo!" Erk glared at what tripped him, a portable T.V.

Cormag remembered how at RICK's house they were constantly pulled into the T.V. and its fascinating shows. He yelled over as Jaffar dashed to Erk, "Turn on the T.V, and shield yourself!"

Erk turned it to a random channel just as Jaffar nearly tackled him.

"And today our top story, Jaffar is the winner of American Idol!" The news reporter said.

Jaffar grinned and sat down right in front of the T.V. If he had been any closer, his face would be pressed against the screen. The reporter continued,

"Fudgemonkey and Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli, announced him as the winner early today as millions of fans mobbed them."

It showed a clip of a bruised Fudgemonkey saying, "At the risk of being hit again, I'd just like to say Jaffar is the winner of American Idol!"

Erk smiled, "See you're happy, I'm happy. Let's be friends!"

Jaffar popped his knuckles, "I'm afraid that just ain't gonna cut it."

Erk paused to think of a diabolically lie, "Err… Okay, I admit it! I never went into that ridiculous Nino suit!"

Jaffar raised an eyebrow, "I'm listening."

Erk continued uneasily, "It was all Knoll! He's such an evil mastermind! In fact he PAID me to admit that I did all those things to you when it was him! He PAID all of us!"

Jaffar was silent for a moment, "I knew it! That bastard! But… where can I find him!"

The T.V. suddenly answered his question, "And in later news, Knoll was taken to a mental institution earlier this morning."

Jaffar pulled out his sword/tattoo pen and added another thing to his list. It now said 'Knoll x35'

Erk almost broke out laughing.

Jaffar dashed out of hallway before he could see the other part of the news.

The male reporter wiped his eyes, "And…-sniff- In our worst news in history… **The **Jaffar was said to have been responsible for the Pet shop massacre of police men a few days ago." The reporter started crying.

A female reporter took over, "Uhh… What Kyle is trying to say, is that Jaffar is now wanted in about every state! In fact, we're investigating this American Idol hallway right now!"

Erk heard the yelling noises of Cormag and in the background. Erk turned his attention back to the T.V. screen.

"Hey, who's that Purple-Headed poser that's watching T.V in the background?" Erk asked rather stupidly.

Erk turned around to find a T.V. camera pointing right at him. Erk did the girly-shriek. Raven entered the hallway limping before he was tackled by police officers, a police officer handcuffed Erk's hands before he could do anything, the now sleeping RICK was dragged away, and Cormag wouldn't go down without a fight but was soon handcuffed anyway.

When Cormag fell, it seemed like it was all over. Suddenly Serra entered the hallway followed by Tana, still drunk Seth, Neimi, Colm, and Nino.

Serra put her hands on her hips, "No one! I repeat, NO ONE, Tackles my Erky--except for ME!"

Serra began smacking random police officers with her staff.

Tana grinned as she pulled out her Kick-Ass lance Vidofnir.

Seth turned on a cd player with Holla back girl, while punch and/or kicking an officer in the face every time the song said shit.

Neimi began shooting the police officers with a silver bow. Colm went ass kicking with a killing edge.

And, Nino began singing, causes all the lights in the hallway to fall on the random officers while everyone else took cover.

One police officer was left conscious. Serra was taking care of him. She'd ask him over and over, 'Did you mess with MY Erky!'

When he always answered 'No.', she'd smack him and say, 'Good Boy.'

Erk nearly pulled out all of his hair while he constantly babbled, "I can't believe I owe Serra a favor!"

Serra ditched the police man and walked next to Erk. "Now… about that favor…" she grinned evily and Erk nearly keeled over.

The police man who was just pounded by Serra, quietly pulled out a walkie-talkie. "We have a code banana-yellow! I need the S.W.A.T. team over here right away, these folks are nothin' but trouble!"

END OF CHAPTER 17

Erk walked over to where RICK was standing, "Who that crap is the S.W.A.T team?"

RICK sighed, "Evil people Erk. We're going to jail."

Erk cocked his head, "What's jail."

RICK, laughing to himself answered, "It's a b-a-ad place, I've been there before."

Erk asked, "Oh, why, Mr. I can't-lie?"

RICK put a big smile on his face, "For too much drinking!"

Erk laughed, "Of course."

Somewhere in the distance Jaffar ran off with blood-red eyes. So basically it could have been Jaffar, skipping through a field of daisies. Anyway…

Jaffar pointed with his swords ahead of him, "I'LL GET YOU KNOLL!" He screamed.

--

Suddenly, at a random mental institution Knoll sat with a grave look. "I already said, I HATE THE PIL—"

Knoll fell out of his chair. The nurse peered over the table and looked at Knoll. "What happened?" She asked.

Knoll was confused for a moment. "I don't know… I felt a disturbance…"


	18. Potty Mouth

Erk stared dumbfounded at the handcuff on his wrist. He looked to who was next to him, Raven. Raven wasn't next to him because he wanted to be… next to him, only because they were handcuffed together, again.

Raven looked at Erk this time, "Erk, are you… crying?"

Erk looked up at Raven and said, "No, it's just… I have to go to the bathroom." Erk took a large breath and continued, "And they won't give us a blindfold!"

Raven spun around to look at the screen and said, with a very serious look, "Curse you. Curse you all!"

Meanwhile, Tana was eating in the very dirty cafeteria with Serra, Neimi, and Nino. Serra was the first on to speak, "We're cool, and don't belong here!"

Tana took it as a rebellion, "Yes, let's escape!"

Serra nodded, "And this orange SO does not match the pure-pinkiness of my hair."

Neimi at that instant glared at Serra with such intensity, "You're kidding right? My hair has SO much more pink!" She paused to grab a napkin, "I mean… sniff."

Serra stood up, "Your hair may, sort of look pink." She took the gruel-like thing in her bowl and dumped it on Neimi's head, and spread it all over her hair. "But it certainly doesn't now!"

The whole cafeteria was in silence for a moment. "Food fight!" someone yelled, and pretty soon the place was in utter chaos.

Tana was under the table whimpering and Nino was hiding behind the trash can for dear life. Neimi and Serra however, we've on top of the tables firing potato-loaded potato guns at each other.

Every time they'd fire, the force of the gun would push them a foot back. It looked rather dangerous.

Nino _thought_ she was safe from getting fooo-d. The happy go-lucky Nino in her head kept telling her that she was safe. And Nino believed it. The fool.

Nino suddenly felt a warm feeling on her spin, then on her hands, and face. She spun around. Some one just poured peach cobbler all over her. She looked at her orangey hands and a reflection of her orangey face. She screamed. That did it.

Nino took the cooking pot of the cobbler and smacked the dude who poured it on her. She jumped on the table and shoved the potato guns out of Serra and Neimi's hands. To silence them she bent the hard plastic with her bare hands.

"Now will everyone just shut the FUCK UP!" Nino screamed. The whole cafeteria was silenced.

Neimi said under her breath, "Pah, poser."

Nino spun around and glared straight at Neimi, "What'd you just say about me bitch!"

Neimi sighed, "Uhh… sniff?"

The left side of Nino's mouth was continually popped up. Nino tackled Neimi and yelled, "Shut up with that sniff shit!"

The other people in the cafeteria went back to fighting and Serra sighed as she picked up the bent-but-still-useable potato gun.

"Well that did a lot." Serra said to herself before pulling out a flashlight. "But a least Nino has joined the dark side now." She turned the light on below her chin, "MWA HA HA!"

------

Knoll paced back and forth, "He keeps on sending me telepathic death threats!"

Knoll vaguly remembered the last few messages. Anyway they'd usually sound like this:

_Dear Knoll,_

_I'm coming to kill you now. And nothing that you say will change that._

_Even if you say that you never called Nino a sexy bitch, me a clever bastard, or trapped me in that net, and that it was all Erk, RICK, Raven, and Cormag being mean to you._

_I won't believe you, so don't try. _

_Eggs_

_Bacon (Yes LOTS of bacon!)_

_Cheese_

_Milk_

_Muffins, or M00fins, whatever they have._

_Ignore that. That was just a mental shopping list, I'll pick you up some cheese for you, you like cheese right? You better not be lactose intolerant._

_I'll kill you extraly if you are. Yes extraly, you must be laughing you're ass off right now, I'll kill you extraly for that too._

_And by extraly I mean making you watch Nino pick out clothes right before I kill you. (It's worse that her picking out puppies. She'll constantly ask YOU to try stuff on for her. And when I mean stuff, I mean mini skirts. HA!)_

_Don't die before I kill you. Or I'll kill you. _

_Love,_

_Jaffar _

Knoll stopped pacing, "Oh snaps, I'm allergic to cheese!"

------

Erk entered the cafeteria to find Serra stirring a chunky pink liquid and Tana, Neimi and Nino mopping the floor… Erk's stomach was growling and he was very thirsty so he pulled Raven along. RICK, Cormag, Colm, and half-drunk Seth followed.

Erk stopped and began to leave, "Whatever Serra cook's worse than poison, just a warning. If you merely get constipated, it'll be more than you _should_ have gotten."

Raven tried to stop him and said, "But that's the only edible thing in here!"

RICK had to pipe in, "Actually we all are edible too, but that's called Cannibalism!"

Raven narrowed his eyes, "Thanks for the fact. Anyway, it can't be THAT bad!"

Erk gave the others an Antitoxin and strode off with Raven.

RICK tossed the single jug of Antitoxin over his shoulder and let it break, "We won't need it."

Twenty minutes later…

Cormag and the others were desperately trying to lick the Antitoxin that was left on the floor.

RICK yelled desperately, "Damnit! It's evaporating!"

Colm shrieked, "Hurry, inhale the air!"

Cormag snatched a mop from the supply closet and began wiping his mouth with it.

Serra put her hands on her hips, "My cooking isn't that bad!"

Nino laughed, "That's a laugh. You're cooking taste worse than shit. And if you hadn't been so jealous of Neimi's more pink-ish hair, we wouldn't have to help out with this damn cafeteria."

Serra's brain took a while to take in what Nino had just said. She remembered when Nino was a cute little girl who would never cuss in her whole life. What, the, crap. "So are you saying my hair isn't pinker!"

Nino rolled her eyes, "You know it, dumbass!"

RICK and co. watched Serra and Nino tackled and beat the snot out of each other while Neimi stood and laughed.

They decided on going to their cells than deal with that.

------

RICK and the others found Erk sitting on their bed that swapped out on nights, arguing.

Erk rolled his eyes, "It's my turn to sleep on the bed tonight! You take the floor!"

Raven stuck his tongue out at him, "But the floor is so cold!"

Erk said, "Do you want to make this fanfiction rated R! We're handcuffed, stupid."

That shut up Raven.

RICK looked away and continued wiping his tongue with tissues.

Suddenly out of what seemed no where, a yell was heard. Cormag rose from his bed and asked, "What was that?"

Colm was no where to be seen. RICK walked slowly into the small bathroom in their jail cell. He looked down at Colm and nearly ripped out his hair. He saw about 4/5 of Colm leaning over the toilet. The other fifth, his head, was in it.

RICK looked up at ceiling, "You've got to be kidding me."

END OF CHAPTER 18

Erk raised an eyebrow and looked at RICK, "Why DO you hate Knoll anyway?"

RICK slowly put down the papers that used to be blocking his face, "Why do you ask?"

Erk said, "I didn't the reviewers did."

RICK's face suddenly lit up, "Well, that's different. It started a while ago on the 'Valter Evil, Garsh I hate it so Much' level."

Erk raised another eyebrow.

RICK glared, "Yes, I _actually _made it that far. Anyway, it took a few tries--and don't give me that smug look Erk. I finally beat Valter and let Cormag have his revenge. Cormag ROX! So there's one tincy, wincy little dude left and I decided to let Knoll handle it. I thought he was cool back then and I just got him on that level."

RICK paused to grit his teeth angrily, "But… He just had to die! By the LAST FREAKIN' PERSON ON THE LEVEL! THEY GOT A CRETICAL ON HIM! So that's why I hate him."

Erk finally said, breathless for words, "Oookay…then."

RICK sighed, "Anyway, Next chapter Colm getting his head stuck in the toilet will actually have a purpose. Wow. It will lead to our escape! Yay!"


	19. Into the Thickofit

Knoll made his hand into a fist. "I know!" He stated triumphantly, "I'll find Nino. She's the way to making Jaffar trust me!"

He pulled out a small locket of Nino's hair. "Good thing I just happen to be carrying around Jaffar's birthday present. I can use this to warp to Nino. But, I still don't understand why Jaffar wanted this as a birthday present anyway…"

He shrugged and put the hairs into a circle he drew in the dirt with a stick. He stopped. "Oh geez, another message from Jaffar is coming."

_Dear Knoll, (Or should I say dearest Knoll? That's what it will say on your grave anyway.)_

_I am leaving Wal-Mart now so, no more interruptions. I got enough cheese, bacon, and eggs for an omelet. I like omelets. _

_I wish I could read minds to find out if you are laughing right now. Never mind, you probably are, evil bastard._

_Let's see… I'm trying to find a way for you to die most painfully and horribly. I know! How about being forced to help Nino pick out clothes while she sings? It will probably nearly kill you of boredom or embarrassment (Depending on if Nino wants a swimsuit too. TRY THAT ON!) and the singing will make your eardrums bleed. And then, I'll kill you._

_It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you. Genius, I say!_

_Love,_

_Jaffa—(Wait, I don't love you! Hm..)_

_Sincerely,_

_J—(What the fuck does Sincerely mean? It sounds stupid.)_

_Always,_

_Jaf—(That doesn't make sense! I know, it's perfect!)_

_--Jaffar (Yes! Perfect!) _

A scared little man, was what Knoll looked like at that moment. "I need to get to Nino fast!"

He did the hand signs and completed the spell, he soon disappeared.

-----

"Give me a plunger, will ya!" RICK called out.

Raven, Erk, and Cormag didn't move. "What's a plunger?" Erk finally asked.

Cormag scratched his head. "Yes, really."

RICK answered quickly, "It's a big red thing with a stick and—" he paused and looked at Colm in the toilet.

He finished, "Colm, if you can breathe, gurgle."

Colm obediently did a gurgle noise. A small hole was the only thing keeping him alive. No kidding. HA!

RICK sighed, "I'll go get it."

RICK returned quickly with the plunger. He put the suction part of the plunger on Colm's back.

"Okay, everyone make a chain and let's pull him out!" RICK yelled.

They all followed his orders. Just like out on the battlefield. They pulled and pulled and were victorious when a crack was heard, but not exactly. Colm was standing up but the toilet was still on his head.

"Geez!" RICK exclaimed angrily. "What the crap!"

Colm began pacing around. Cormag popped his knuckles, "Let me try." He said.

Cormag grabbed Colm by the toilet on his head. He threw it against the stone wall and it shattered instantly. Colm was too dazed to thank him and continued walking in circles with his eyes crossed.

Cormag did a bow and Raven, Erk, and RICK clapped happily. RICK shook Colm by the shoulders.

"Why the hell did you stick your head in a PRISON TOLIET!" RICK exclaimed.

Colm said, "I wanted to get the taste of Serra's cooking out of my mouth!" he paused, "and I think I did…!" He began to dance around happily.

RICK peered over to where Raven, Erk and Cormag where all looking down. He heard them talking about some type of escape plan.

"I could fit in that easily!" Erk stated proudly.

Cormag and Raven didn't look too impressed. RICK joined in the conversation. "In _what!"_

Raven, Cormag and Erk, pointed down at the hole from the toilet leading to the sewer.

RICK stood dumbfounded, "We're going to crawl down a _prison toilet little holie-thing_ to escape?"

The others nodded.

RICK grinned, "Okay, just makin' sure."

-Sweat drop-

Suddenly, Serra's voice was heard. "Please Mister, I need to see my Erky!"

Tana, Neimi and Nino were there too, "Yes, Pleeeeaaase!"

Apparently, the guard gave in, because in a matter of moments, the girls entered the cell.

Serra whispered to them all, just enough for the guard to NOT hear, "Okay boys, we have a plan."

Erk at first ignored her, "Could it get more crowded in here!"

Suddenly, Knoll appeared right behind Nino in a poof of smoke.

Erk slammed his head against the prison wall.

----

Jaffar stopped and sniffed the air. He showed a scowl and said, "The target has moved."

He shifted directions before adding, "Good thing I'm only a few feet from the jail he moved to!" He laughed manically.

----

Serra asked, "So were crawling through that toilety thing!" She thought of her idea of poisoning every guard in the building with her cooking, "Seriously, I liked my idea much better."

Raven raised an eyebrow, "Seriously, have you tried your cooking? It's worse than death."

Suddenly Jaffar entered. (I'm tired of these Suddenlys!)

Knoll hid behind Nino, "Oh, geez."

Jaffar went silent, so did everyone else. Jaffar face was red, "H-hey Nino." He stammered.

Nino smirked, "Hey, what's up?"

Jaffar's head went blank, "I… don't remember what I was doing…"

Nino make a –tick- noise with her teeth, "M'k. C'mon let's go buy me stuff."

Jaffar followed along happily, "Yes, your highness!" Jaffar and Nino left the cell, and took the keys with them.

Knoll did a little, happy dance.

RICK sighed, "Thanks for nothin' Jaffar… I guess we'll have to get out of here by ourselves…"

Erk smiled at Serra and pointed towards the nasty hole, "Ladies first."

---

Serra grunted as she crawled through the hole followed by, Neimi, Tana, Seth, RICK, Erk, Raven, Cormag, Knoll, and Colm.

"Eww…" She squeaked, "Who farted!"

Tana held her nose and retorted, "If someone farted in here, it wouldn't make a difference!"

END OF CHAPTER 19

RICK skipped around with crate paper in his hands. He was apparently decorating.

Erk cocked his head, "What the crap? I've haven't seen you this happy except when you let Eliwood die for the first time."

RICK grinned, "It's my sister's birthday today, on August Ninth!"

Erk was puzzled, "When's your birthday?"

RICK answered like a machine, "Classified."

Erk thought for a moment and smirked, "Why's your name capitalized?"

RICK hesitated before responding again, "Classified." He paused again and added, "Oh, whatever... It was a freakin' accident! Gee Erk, you sure are a mood breaker!" He ran off.

Erk pranced around. "Oh, yess… I get to tell what happens next!"

Jaffar slammed Erk with the hilt of his sword, "Not exactly." He said.

Nino pushed the unconscious body of Erk away, "Next chapter, the others find light at the end of the putrid sewer, and someone goes into debt! Oh, and Happy Birthday Loki!"

Loki in the background screams, "Yaaay!"


	20. Debt SUCKS

CHAPTER 20

(Now is the time where I thank all the reviewers from chapter 11 and up. I have more than 50 reviews! Wanchoo, Chach7776, Gingy Mittens, Northernsword, K-Gforever, Lemurian-Girl, Draknal, JERRY MON, sam, misSKLutzZz, the emblem fan, lilylisa31, person, Nickolus Elflame, FlamingFreakX, and Natashua. Yall ROCK!)

In a men restroom stall, Hector roughly removed his armor. He took out the bag full of clothes that Hector asked Legault to steal from a store called 'Attitudes'. He opened the bag and gaped for awhile.

In the bag was a tiny tube top with 'Playboy' written on it in glitter, a much larger full shirt with the words 'I'm blonde and I'm proud!' written on it, black baggy jeans, and a glittery miniskirt.

Hector pulled out the "I'm blonde and I'm proud!" shirt and black baggy pants. He chuckled slightly and threw the bag with the other clothes over to the next stall, where Ross was.

Ross yelled, "I'm supposed to wear this!"

Hector tried not to laugh, "That's all the clothes that Legault got."

Ross, still yelling, "But my dad can recognize me anyway! And I look like a girl!"

Hector grinned, "Perfect, I have a wig that you can wear to finish the look."

Hector's armor had already rusted to the point where he could barely move and they were on the run from angry Garcia and Eliwood so, the decided to change clothes as a disguise.

-----

Legault, Guy, and Mathew were in line for Judge Roy Scream. When it was finally their turn to get on, Legault went to put their weapons in the item holding-place and have a word with the engineer.

Legault showed the man a piece of gold that he recently received from Hector, "Will this be enough?" he asked.

The engineer looked at him strangely, "This is a _free_—"

Legault cut him off, "I know it's not much. Fine, you drive a hard bargain… Two gold pieces to get on the ride!"

The engineer sighed but smirked and took the gold.

As the cart slowly made it up the first drop, Guy spoke out, "Umm… I need to go to the bathroom."

Mathew spun around to face him, "Why?"

Guy nearly hit him, "What do you think!"

Mathew babbled for a decent explanation, "Well, yeah, I knew—that. B-but… You're just scared! You're too chicken for this ride!"

Guy stuck his tongue out at him, "I get sea sick and heights make me need to use the bathroom!"

Mathew rolled his eyes, "Yeah, riiight…"

Legault sighed as he tried to tune out the argument of Guy and Mathew. He stuck his head out of the cart to get a look at just how big the first drop was. Bad mistake. His bandana got caught on the pole connected to the sign above them.

Legault gripped onto the bandana with one arm and the cart with the other like his life depended on it. Cause, it kinda did. The whole rollercoaster cart stopped.

Guy yelled out to the now-being-stretched-out Legault, "Let go of the bandana!"

Legault screamed, "Never! It's my favorite one! I've never taken it off!"

Mathew yelled, "Either the bandana or your life!"

Legault thought for a little while, "Umm…"

Mathew shrieked fiercely, "LEGAULT!"

Legault sighed and released on the bandana and jumped back into the cart. He looked almost naked with out his bandana.

Mathew's eyes widened to the size of what seemed like dinner plates but didn't say anything.

Guy put a hand up to his face, "Oh, my, gosh."

-----

Serra stopped crawling for the fifth time, "Okay, I cannot take the smell any longer!"

Everyone groaned.

Neimi shot, "Well I cannot take starring at your ass any longer!"

Tana didn't say anything.

Seth cried out, "My batteries are dead!" He smacked his CD player and then frowned.

RICK said randomly, "I hate monkeys."

Erk and Raven said simultaneously, "I hate being chained to this idiot."

Cormag said, "This sewer doesn't smell as bad as when I pushed my brother's wyvern into a meat grinder."

Everyone stopped and looked at Cormag.

RICK cocked his head, "Da' Fuck? It smelled that bad?"

Cormag nodded, and everyone shrugged and continued forward, now thankful that the sewer doesn't smell as bad a chopped up wyvern would.

Serra yelled happily, "Liiighttt!" when she saw light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone jumped up and ran outside rather quickly.

It was only a matter of when they were soon handcuffed again.

RICK couldn't take it anymore, "Isn't there some way we can just pay our way out of here!" he asked the policeman.

The police man looked at him and said, "Yes, there is actually. But it might be a little expensive…"

RICK shrugged, "I'll pay any amount to never go into that sewer again." He showed the officer his credit card.

-----

Hector felt very strange in his new clothes. A lot of people had given him dirty looks and said things like, "You're not blonde!" Of course, they were right. He was a blue.

Ross put on a fake girly smile. Eliwood or Garcia would never recognize him, if they didn't have more than have a brain.

Garcia stopped Ross and caught him by the wrist. "Umm.. excuse me Miss, we're looking for…" Garcia stopped.

Ross tried not to sound suspicious, "Who are you looking for?"

Garcia pulled off Ross's wig, "We're looking for you!"

Ross sighed, "Aww, man!"

Ross looked over to Hector who was holding his hands over his face as Eliwood glared at him.

Hector said humbly, "Just ride one ride with us and you'll understand why we liked it so much!"

Eliwood agreed, because he was rather curious. So they boarded onto the Flashback.

When it was over, Eliwood and Garcia had just about forgotten about their little argument from before.

When they went to pick up their items from the holding place, Eliwood was horror-struck. "It's not here!" he said.

Hector asked, "What's not here?"

Eliwood answered sadly, "My horse…"

Hector was confused, "All the horses died in Chapter 11! Don't tell me you kept the bones!"

Eliwood nodded gravely, "I just felt so naked without it…"

Ross entered the conversation, "You evolved on level 1 and "grew" a horse. You messed up all laws of nature!"

Hector sighed, "If it will make you fell better, let's go look for it."

-----

RICK sat hunched over as he thought about his bill. "Make them pay, we must…"

RICK moved his position, "But some are our friends…"

He answered himself, "No, they betrayed us! Make us in debt!"

Erk said bluntly, "You know we can totally hear you…"

RICK ignored Erk, "Yes, they must pay."

RICK got up. The others waited for him to say something. When he did it was more than weird, it was scary.

"I'm going to call Jaffar to make you SUFFA!" he yelled.

Cormag clapped, "Nice RICK! That's pure evil!"

Erk was dumbfounded, "B-but, Jaffar doesn't even have one of your celly phoney things!"

RICK laughed, again, "He doesn't have to. I have his head on speed dial!"

He dialed number 9 and put his cell phone to his ear.

"It's ringing…" he said.

The others gasped. Raven said, "But Jaffar won't hurt us! Why would he?"

Knoll answered that, "If he THINKS we did anything to him or Nino, he will."

Erk tried to look surprised. "Umm… why aren't we scared that our tactician has gone BESERK!"

Seth, who now isn't drunk, "It's just a mood swing. He gets them a lot." Suddenly everyone witnessed a flash back.

-Flash-

Suddenly Shows RICK on his couch playing FE.

RICK, "Aww, DAMNIT! Reinforcements! **Time to Die SETH!"**

-End-

Seth nodded, "Yep like that. We just need to wait a few minutes for them to wear off."

Everyone looked back to RICK.

RICK listened to what he heard on the phone:

_Hey this is Jaffar thinking and… I am doing something right now or I'm not here. But this is a recording for my head so… how can I NOT be here? Oh, well umm…If you are Knoll or, heck anyone else and leave more than 2 syllables on this machine, I'LL KILL YOU! Umm… please leave and I'll try to get back to you. –beep-_

RICK hesitated to leave a message, but did so anyway,

"How can you NOT be there! Seriously! What ARE you doing with Nino? …Don't answer that… But where are you? This is your head! What'd you loose your brain or something? Oh, anyway…

Neimi, Tana, Seth, Erk, Raven, Cormag, Knoll, and Colm have been doing some ba-ad things…

Uhh… I saw them throwing darts at a life size Nino doll! Yeah, and it was all Knoll's idea! Get over here! It's horrible, Knoll's so evil!"

RICK turned off his cell phone and smiled at the others.

END OF CHAPTER 20

Erk stood in disbelief, "Woa, RICK. I never thought of you to be a bad guy!"

RICK exclaimed, "Mood swings I tell you!"

Erk continued, "Weird, I tell you. Are you having one now or somethan'?"

RICK shook his head, "Nope, it's just that. We're almost done with the story!"

Erk put a hand to his face, "No!"

RICK wiped a tear from his eye, "Yes! But… there is going to be a sequel, sort of. Where yall' will have to do some pretty bizarre jobs to pay back all the money yall' owe me."

Erk stopped, "I don't like that part…"

RICK yelled, "DEAL WITH IT!"


	21. Bandana Loss

Nino turned around and looked at Jaffar, "Huh? What's wrong, Jaffar?"

Jaffar pressed the side of his head, "I have a message in my head. Let me play it… just a sec… There!"

He leaned his head back and RICK's message was played at full blast for all to hear.

Nino was shocked, "What the hell was that about! A life size doll of me!"

Jaffar shrugged, "Uhh… Maybe they're mad at you."

Nino curled Jaffar's hair with her finger, "Will you make them suffer for me?"

Jaffar smiled, "Of course!"

------

Guy, Legault, and Mathew got off the Batman ride. Legault went to get his items but soon walked over to Mathew and Guy empty handed.

Legault asked, "Hey, have you seen my pack anywhere?"

Mathew shook his head, "Nope, _you_ put it right over there, and who would steal from a thief?"

Guy nudged Mathew with his elbow, "Mathew, I think someone's following us!"

Mathew raised an eyebrow and his hand gripped his sword, "Who?"

Guy pointed to Legault and shrieked, "Who is he!"

Legault sighed at the loss of his bandana, "I'm not wearing any other bandana until I find my favorite bandana, remember?"

He pulled out a bandana out of his pocket anyway. It was an exact replica of his "favorite bandana".

Legault put the bandana on top of his head instead of putting it on, "It's still me Guy, see?"

Guy smiled, "Hey, Legault!"

Legault smirked and removed it.

Guy's eyes widened, "Who are you!"

Legault's smirk faded, "It's me, Legault…"

Guy didn't buy it, "You look nothing like him!"

Legault sighed again and place the bandana on top of his head for show, "It's still me!"

Guy said, "Oh, Legault… There's this freak stalker around here who claims he's you!"

Legault was shocked, and puzzled. Mathew thought it was rather hilarious.

Legault threw off the bandana fiercely, "See! It's still me!"

Guy screamed, "Who are you!"

(This went on about five more times.)

Legault put the bandana back on his head for the umpteenth time. He was furious, "Okay, I'm Legault! Now, if… I take the bandana…slowly…off… I'm still—"

Guy screamed, "Who are you!"

Legault screamed this time, "**OH, THAT'S IT!"** and tackled Guy.

Mathew was still laughing his ass off the whole time.

------

Ross suddenly was grabbed and pulled away. Eliwood and Hector didn't notice, and Garcia continued 'talking' to Ross, who wasn't really there so, he didn't really notice either.

There stopped at a souvenir shop with a sign that read, 'We have dead horses!"

Hector said sarcastically, "Oh, it CAN'T be here!"

Eliwood nodded and walked forward, "Yes, you're right. Let's keep looking."

Garcia cocked his head. Hector sighed and told Garcia, "Things like this happen a lot."

Garcia nodded, "Oh I bet they do."

Hector sadly pulled Eliwood back over to the front of the souvenir shop.

The walked inside.

------

Erk ran around waving his arms rapidly, Raven basically had to too, and wasn't liking it.

Knoll was hyperventilating, "He's coming! He's coming!"

RICK was boasting on how evil he had been, "Once, I took two samples of cookies… instead of one!"

Cormag was amazed, "Very good RICK!"

Erk said to Raven, "What are we supposed to do, wait until Jaffar annihilates us?"

Raven snapped, "It's better than running around waving your arms, screaming 'The British are coming!' like you were doing before, Erk!"

Erk glared at Raven, "If you didn't like what I was doing, you should have said something. It was a very good stress reliever though!"

Raven rolled his eyes, "I did say something but you were too busy being stupid to—"

Knoll snapped his fingers, "Maybe we could make RICK into a 'good' mood swing and then he can call off Jaffar!"

Erk forgot all about his argument with Raven, "That's a great idea but, how?"

Raven said, "Hey! Remember when Ninian made brownies that one time!"

Erk grunted and held his stomach, "Oh man, don't remind me! I was constipated for weeeeeekkkkss!"

Raven made a disgusted face, "Oookay… Well, anyway, RICK was _actually _happy! I think his favorite food does the trick!"

Knoll grinned, "Perfect! Let's go get some food out of his trunk!"

-----

Eliwood pointed, "There's my horse!"

Hector followed, "There's my axe!"

Garcia exclaimed, "There's my son!"

They each scurried to find their items. Hector and Eliwood were successful but Garica was too slow. A strange looking man picked up Ross.

"How much can I get for this strangly dressed young feller?"

Fan girls from outside recognized Ross, then ran inside screaming and trampled Garcia. What a coincidence.

Ross tried to scream as manly as he could, it kinda, sorta, failed miserably, "Fan Girls! Oh, No!"

------

Knoll pulled the trunk over to where RICK and Cormag were talking. He looked inside the trunk first and muttered, "At least one of these should do the trick."

Knoll held out a cupcake. RICK at first didn't notice it but then brushed it away, "I'm only hungry for _one single food_ in this entire world right now, and a cupcake isn't it." RICK laughed.

Knoll grunted and continued trying. He went through a pizza slice, sandwich, apple, orange, banana, pixie stick, sucker, lettuce, and celery. Finally, Knoll held out a croissant.

RICK eyes widened, "Crissy!" He lunched forward and tackled the croissant out of Knoll's hands. RICK ate it in one bite, "Got any more?" he asked.

Knoll was puzzled, but shook his head.

RICK threw back his head and did some kind of howl. Erk exclaimed,

"Well, that didn't work!"

Jaffar suddenly entered. He pointed at RICK and asked, "What's wrong with him?"

RICK stood up, "Nothing. Just, hungry…"

RICK turned to face Erk, Raven, Cormag, Knoll, and the others. "If you swear to help me pay off the millions of dollars you cost me, I won't sick Jaffar on you."

Jaffar apparently didn't him as he was playing with a Nino doll that said, "I really do like wearing skimpy skirts!" when you pulled a string on her back.

The others didn't hesitate to agree. RICK smirked,

"Good."

END OF CHAPTER 21

Erk fiddled with some knifes, "Hmm…"

RICK asked, "What's wrong? You didn't like the chapter?"

Erk shook his head, "It's not that, it's just that… I have questions… about it."

RICK walked over by Erk, "Lay em' on me."

Erk began, "Well… how come you could sick Jaffar on us?"

RICK answered, "I'm the tactician."

Erk nodded, "Okay… How come the others at Six Flags keep on losing their stuff?"

RICK answered, "Because, the dud that's **selling** Ross is a freak stalker who steals their stuff and then sells it."

Erk continued, "Is that what's going to happen next chapter?"

RICK nodded, "Yep, along with a lot of randomness from us."

Erk smirked, "Okay, one more question… Is it tiring to remember to capitalize your name in your typing?"

RICK's smile faded, "Shut up."

Erk laughed, "Tell me! I have a croissant!"

RICK sighed, "Fine. Yes, it is. NOW GIVE ME CRISSY!"

RICK tackled the croissant.


	22. Fun with Voodoo Dolls

Ross screamed, "Daddy!" as the fan girls tried to snatch him up from the salesman's grasp.

Hector had an idea, obviously these girls had played Fire Emblem before as they were cheering, 'Ross! Ross!'

Hector cleared his throat, "Hey, look it's THE Eliwood!" he pointed at Eliwood and expected the fan girls to charge after Eliwood. When no one did, he was discombobulated.

Eliwood grunted, "Well thanks a lot Hector!"

The fan girls glared at Eliwood, "He's a pansy." One said.

Another nodded and said, "Yeah, he's made me restart SO many levels. I'd just let him die, but nooooo, he HAS to be the main character!"

A younger fan girl walked up to Eliwood and kicked him in the shin. The fan girls looked at Hector.

"But, I've never let you die before Hector!"

The other fan girls nodded and tackled Hector. Garcia snatched his son from the salesman and made a face at him. Eliwood walked over the pile of Hector and some fan girls and walked down the aisles of merchandise probably stolen from at least one person in their party.

Eliwood stopped, "Cool, dolls! Is this Knoll? And this is Erk, and Seth, and Cormag, and RICK, and Tana…"

------

RICK's eyes widened, "Eeep!" He slowly turned his head to see Seth behind him.

Seth looked innocent, "I-I couldn't stop myself, I-I didn't mean to—"

RICK gritted his teeth so hard that chips of them were hitting Seth, "Why the hell did you just stick your fingers up my ass!"

Seth babbled, "I-I didn't mean to!"

RICK took the log he was sitting on and tried to slam Seth's head. Seth ran out of the way just in time, screaming.

Erk was scowling, "Why are we hugging?" he asked Raven.

Raven sighed, "I don't know…"

Erk, still scowling, "Why can't we stop?"

Raven sighed again, "I don't know…"

Knoll was running away from Jaffar squealing, "It wasn't me!" Knoll tried to reason with him.

Jaffar stopped and soon so did Knoll, "Okay, I believe you." Jaffar said.

Knoll puffed out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, he couldn't control his body, he went right up and kicked Jaffar in the balls.

Jaffar hunched over yelled, "I SO take that back you bastard!"

-----

Eliwood laughed, "Oh, these are fun!" He looked at where he put the Erk and Raven dolls hugging. "I like this better." He took the Erk doll and made it hug Serra.

"And this is for keeping me on level one for so long!" He took the RICK doll and made it slam into the wall over and over.

He took the Knoll doll and made it say, "Jaffar, you bite! Eliwood is SO much more handomser, nicer, smarter, manlier, stronger, and way cooler than you'll ever be!"

Eliwood laughed, "Wow, torturing Knoll is fun!"

-----

Jaffar's eyebrow twitched, "What'd you just say!"

Knoll waved his hands in front of him, "I didn't mean that, I barely know him!"

Suddenly Knoll was taken over again, "And Nino is a sexy bitch!"

Jaffar pulled out his knifes, "I will make you into a HUMAN SHISH CABOB!

Seth stopped running and looked behind him, RICK stopped and slowly floated up wards.

"Seth, if you're doing this I'—" RICK was slammed against a great oak tree.

SLAM! "Mommy--"

SLAM! "I don't like this ride—"

SLAM! "Get me down--!"

SLAM! "Fufufu…"

Erk spat, "Oh, now this is even worse!"

Serra smiled, "I couldn't wish for anything more…"

Cormag glared at Colm who was about a few inches from his face, "This sucks. I didn't even know I could do the tango."

Colm shrugged, "Well, I'm just as mad about this as you are!"

Neimi was taken over. She yelled at Tana, "Drop and given me twenty!"

Tana cocked her head, "Twenty what?"

Neimi paused, "I don't know…"

------

Garcia stopped Eliwood, "Stop playing with dolls, you're not four!"

Eliwood scowled, "Fine..." He threw the dolls back into the box and went to help Hector out… but something caught his eye.

He picked it up, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

------

Legault shook Guy by his shoulders, "It's ME! You stupid!"

Guy looked shocked, "What'd you do with Uncle Legault!"

Legault slapped him, "Don't call me Uncle, it makes me feel old… And… I'm LEGAULT!"

Mathew was rolling on the floor laughing.

Legault glared at him, "Hey Mathew, is that Leila?"

Mathew looked where he pointed with a hopeful look. Legault glared at him and remarked,

"Nope, I guess I just saw her GHOST flying around!"

Mathew started crying.

Guy was angry, "That was really rude Mr. Stalker!"

Legault's eyes nearly exploded, "FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S ME!"

------

When RICK fell back onto the ground he spit out all of his teeth and mumbled, "Cicken, pooka, fufufu…"

Erk was thankful to be able to let go of Serra. He jumped for joy. Cormag and Colm separated and then Colm went and pretended to throw up.

Raven wondered out loud, "Hey, I wonder why it stopped…"

Erk shrugged, "Maybe something interesting is going to happen…"

END OF CHAPTER 22

RICK tried to put his teeth back in place, "Well Erk, you took the fun out of saying what would happen next."

Erk nodded, "Well, what did Eliwood find?"

RICK rolled his eyes, "You'll find out like everyone else."

Erk pouted, "That's not good enough for me!"

RICK rolled his eyes once more, "Well, deal with it."

Erk sighed, "At least tell me more about the finale!"

RICK said, "Fine, Fine. Next chapter we'll probably finish it off and show yall some stuff for the sequel. Happy?"

Erk nodded, "Fine."


	23. The Grand, Ass Cheesegraded Finale

Eliwood picked up the warp staff, discombobulated all over again, "It's been HERE this whole time!" He walked down the other aisles and found more and more merchandise all about them.

He stopped, "No, way, Jaffar posters?" He picked up a certain one and unrolled it. "Sweet Sacaen, he has no pants!"

He looked up and down at the Jaffar 'nearly nude' poster and said, "That's hot."

He shuffled through the posters, apparently ignoring the warp staff that could help everyone's lives. "What the, where's my poster?" He shuffled through once more, "There's Erk, Cormag, Seth, Raven, Canas, Knoll, RICK, and even Wallace! Where's mine?"

He snapped his fingers, "The must be all out of mine!" He looked over to more Jaffar toys and games.

"No way! A Jaffar talking plushie!" He pushed the 'try me' button on the box.

"…"

Eliwood picked up the box like a happy little child, "Woo-hoo, I'm getting it!"

------

Jaffar crept around with a bazooka in his hands. How he got the bazooka, he doesn't know. Maybe through all his anger he just 'grew' it like Eliwood's horse.

"I know where you are…" he chanted slowly.

He swallowed and continued chanting, except every time he chanted again, what he'd say would be much higher than the last chant. In other words, he continued chanting like a deranged psycho.

"I know where you ARE!"

Knoll's head popped out from a nearby log, "Stop lying! Oh, geez…" A large missile flew directly above Knoll's head, he squealed.

"You can't try to kill me forever!" Knoll yelled.

Jaffar smirked, "You're right, I'll kill you soon enough!"

He coughed,

"Unless of course, Eliwood shows up in a few minutes with a warp staff and handfuls of Fire emblem related merchandise and is about to take us all home, but that would be a large and nearly impossible coincidence!"

Knoll gulped.

------

Eliwood flipped through a book that caught his attention. It was titled, "Erk's deepest darkest secrets. By Serra."

He read, "-_Erk talks in his sleep almost everyone night, exposing most of his secrets while he's doing this. _

_-Erk will indulge himself with any kind of pancake. _

_-Erk wishes he was a chipmunk however, the reasons are still unknown to us. _

_-Erk takes pleasure in shaving his legs. I have taken the pleasure of actually accidentally poking these incredibly smooth and sexy legs one time by…_

Eliwood stuck his tongue out, disgusted. He flipped a few pages but found that about another half of the large book was mainly about how lucky she was for having touched his "incredible sexy legs" in her life.

"I'll take it!" He was about to walk back to Garcia and tell him that he found the warp staff and yaddie-yadda when another thing caught his eye,** Cormag's Diary.**

…Poor Knoll.

Eliwood picked it up and read the book's rating at the front, "**M for mature readers (If there are still any of you left in the world.)"**

"Why would his diary be rated M? Oh, well." He started reading.

When he was finished he slammed it and said, "Well I'm officially scarred for life. Apparently, Cormag 'accidentally' pushed his brother's wyvern in the meat grinder 5,728 times! And there were pictures!"

He stuffed it into his pocket anyway. "Oh, well, maybe I can use it to interrogate Ninian into telling me where she hid the rest of the brownies she made!"

He grinned triumphantly. "Erk was constipated for weeeeekkkss!" He squealed.

"Oh, what's this?" He picked up a Knoll punching bag, very realistic looking actually. He grinned and squealed once more.

"Hoy yee! I'll take it!"

------

RICK tapped the chalkboard he most recently made out of bark, a few times. "Hola classe. Hoy le enseñaré español."

Erk asked quizzically, "What the heck was that?"

RICK gave his normal 'you've got to be kidding me' look, "I said I'm going to teach you Spanish today."

Raven raised his hand, pulling Erk's up with it, "Is that a disease?"

RICK shook his head and was about to yell at him when something stopped him. Fudemonkey and Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli were sitting cross legged on a log behind Erk, Raven, and the other 'students'.

"What the crap are _yall_ doing here?" RICK asked. He laughed, "I thought Jaffar's fans got rid of you."

Fudemonkey's smile remained, "We have to go, but we thought we might have enough time for just one more _trivia game._"

Erk waved his arms in front of him, "No way! Unh-uh! We aren't going to play another one of you guy's sick and retarded games!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli smiled an eerie, deranged smile, "Did I mention there was a prize involved?" he held up a silvery key, "This very key."

Erk frowned, "So? It's just a dumb key!"

Raven smacked him, "No stupid, it's the key to our handcuffs!"

Erk's eyes glittered, "Okay, I'll play, we'll play!"

(In the background it shows Jaffar shooting at Knoll with a gatling gun)

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli snapped his fingers. Everyone gathered forward, except for Jaffar and the screaming Knoll.

Fudemonkey cleared his throat and asked, "Okay, Erk, first question: Where was Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli born and what was his mother's maiden name?"

Erk yelled, "I don't know, it's not like I know him!"

Fudgemonkey screamed, "WRONG ANSWER!" and in a second Erk was electrocuted.

(In the background shows Jaffar setting off land mines and Knoll just barely missing being massacred.)

Fudemonkey straightened his tie, "Now Tana, who is the coolest one here?

A. Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli

Or

D. RICK"

Tana thought about it for a while. RICK was waving and mouthing, 'Pick me!' Erk punched him and then mouthed, 'No, I'm cooler!' Cormag said nothing.

Tana finally cheered, "E, elephants!"

Fudgemonkey sighed, "I'm afraid that's incorrect. The correct answer was C, Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli."

RICK had a WTF face on.

(In the background it shows Jaffar tying Knoll to a railroad track, and the sound of a train horn in the distance.)

Erk pulled out some of his hair, "I'll never be free!"

Fudgemonkey continued, "Now this is a question for all of you. What is RICK's most embarrassing underwear?"

RICK was wide-eyed, "That's bull! I have no embarrassing underwear!

Fudgemonkey ignored him and went on, "A, heart boxers, B, pink care bears, C, green care bears, or D, red elephants."

RICK twiddled his fingers, "Well, you see—"

Fudemonkey stopped him, "You can't answer it. Let the others have their turn."

The others huddled together and made a decision, "Umm.. C! Green care bears!"

Fudgemonkey finally clapped, "Yes, Correct! One more right and you win the prize!"

RICK stammered, "I-It was a freakin' Christmas present! I never wear them!"

Fudgemonkey nodded sarcastically, "Yeah, and Eliwood will win Miss America."

He leaned forward and whispered to everyone else, "He wears them, because it makes him feel lucky."

"Anyway next question: What is the seventh song on Jaffar's CD 'Dead silence'? …and Jaffar can't answer it."

Raven answered it this time, "It's 'Death's Song'!"

Fudgemonkey applauded and handed Erk the key, "Congratulations!"

Tears filled Erk's eyes as he put the key into the lock of the handcuffs. He sniffed, "I waited for this for so loooonngg…" He decided to turn it in slow motion and enjoy the moment.

He turned the key in the handcuffed and pulled, nothing. He turned and pulled again, nothing.

"WHAT THE!" he yelled.

Fudgemonkey was laughing and Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli was rolling on the floor.

Erk was nearly screaming, "**Why are you guys laughing! Is this really the key or not!"**

Fudgemonkey straightened himself up, "Not."

Erk was puzzled, "Then you guys lied! I can't believe you!"

Sir Guana haki looki huki chu chubba ding dingli smirked, "Actually Erky-boy, we never actually said it was the key. We just showed you **a** key and you let your imagination run wild."

Erk babbled like an idiot, "B-ut, du-du, that-s n-n-not cool!"

Fudgemonkey started laughing again.

Erk's face suddenly became serious. He asked RICK, "Hey RICK, do you have one of those chainsaw things from the earlier chapters?"

RICK nodded, "Yeah, why?"

Erk said, "I'm going to reenact the Texas Chainsaw massacre."

------

Eliwood put all his stuff into shopping bags and walked over to Garcia and Hector. "Look what IIIII found!" he held up the warp staff.

Hector's bruised and lipstick smeared mouth made into a smile, "Then let's go find everyone and tell them the good news."

END OF CHAPTER 23

RICK bowed, "Well, basically Eliwood found everyone and saved Knoll in the nick of time right before he was about to get his ass cheese-graded. We never told Jaffar the truth about how Knoll was innocent and all, for, er… very… good reasons."

Erk laughed, "Oh, yeah right!"

RICK frowned, "Well, would _you _go tell a maniac that it was you who called his girlfriend a sexy bitch!"

Erk didn't answer.

RICK smirked, "That's what I thought. Anyhoo, now here's a clip of what the sequel will be like."

**-----**

RICK tapped the projection screen. "Ehem. Now, let's discuss how you all are going to pay me back for everyone million you spent!"

Erk raised his eyebrows, "Why can't you just stay here, and never go back to your place? Or at least wait until they forget about it?"

RICK smirked, "Because, I, have a life. And also, you guys' life's will be horrible too if we don't pay this off."

Ross raised his hand, "Like what?"

RICK smirked, "Allow me to demonstrate." He flicked off the lights and a movie started.

It first showed Erk and Raven, about 80 years older, at a nursing home, still attached by handcuffs.

"Erk, you're a good friend, but I still wish these blasted handcuffs would come off." Raven said.

Erk nodded, "Yes indeed. Do you want to try to break them one more time?"

Raven smiled, "Yes."

The lifted up their handcuffs and twisted their wrists. The handcuffs finally snapped out of rust and old age.

Erk yelled, "I'm finally free!" he then died and fell out of his wheel chair.

Raven called, "Erk? Erk?" he shrugged and walked away on his cane, "I'm going to use the bathroom all by myself for the first time in 80 years!"

The real Erk shivered. Raven was dumbfounded.

The next scene showed Nino with her two sons in a cardboard box asking, "Alms? Alms for the poor?"

The real Nino ignored the fact that she was in a cardboard box and asked, "Who did I have sons with?"

RICK smiled, "Jaffar."

Nino blushed. Jaffar ignored the fact that he had sons and asked, "Then where am I?"

RICK sighed, "Apparently, you died. You were attacked by paparazzi, fan girls, and bounty hunters at the same time." He sighed again, "You never had a chance."

The others nodded uncontrollably, "We'll help! We'll help!"


End file.
